frustrated with T

[Tangled Web]

I hate starting over! Things have gotten so out of control.........not feeling heard! Not feeling understood! Very frustrated!!!!!!!

[Reilly]

Hi Tangled Web.
Sorry you are feeling frustrated. It is never easy explaining oneself over and over. Hope things improve for you.

[nats]

sometimes we just aren't heard/understood. the main thing is to recognise when the struggle is no longer worth it with this person. till then, it's hard and unpleasant but beneficial. sorry you're having a rough time.

[Tangled Web]

Everything just fell apart in my life in a matter of a week and I am trying so hard to put it back together. I don't know how to get the help I need, and I have tried to talk my T but she doesn't seem to get it. I just don't understand.
Thank you for listening

[jamdjohnson]

Sorry for how you are feeling. Maybe you can write your T a letter. Sometimes that helps me get my thoughts out when I feel like my therapist doesn't get it or isn't listening. My T has thanked me for it too because it clears things up for her too.
Hope you feel better.

[nats]

what is the help that you need that she isn't giving?

[Cammy]

TW. So sorry to hear about this state of things. I agree with Jamd - sometimes the only way to make things clear about our feelings and immediate needs, and even the urgency of the situation is to write them out. Writing allows everything important to us to be included and allows us to express what we cannot when face to face with someone whose ears we feel are shut somehow. It's important your T understands perfectly what you require NOW, and why. Sometimes verbal communication is too difficult and ends up leaving out too much, or ends up with the T picking up on bits of it (before we've finished explaining everything) and then going off on useless tangents leaving our most critical concerns, issues, and needs untouched. You know how it is...boom, 50 minutes are over and you still haven't had a chance to express what you came to express. Yep, writing it out stops all this from happening to me. I even do it with my doctor now. Much easier, I know I've gotten everything in, and it's a lot less stressful than worrying IF I'll be able to communicate what I need to.

[Tangled Web]

(04-14-2013, 01:44 PM)nats Wrote: what is the help that you need that she isn't giving?

Well nats it is more about knowing her than her helping me. I don't know her very well yet and going from a T that I was seeing for over 4 years, to this new T who I just started seeing a couple of months ago and it is harder than I thought. I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn't know my history, she doesn't know "us" and we don't know her. Things have fallen apart rather quickly lately. My mother has made contact with us and we haven't spoken to her in well over year, everything that is happening with my son right now was basically dumped in my lap-which is tons of issues, and he triggers me so much right now. So much is going on and she doesn't have the history behind it, and I am trying to tell her but it is so hard to do, and I don't know her. So how is she supposed to help me when she has no idea what I need help with. I did tell her everything that was happening but she just didn't get it--that is how I felt any ways and then I think well how is she supposed to get it! She doesn't know me. And I really need her to get this right now........so she can help me, but I don't know how to communicate that to her. All this stuff is just coming at the wrong time.............I don't know her well enough yet and I don't think I am ready for that big of a risk. Does this make sense?

[Tangled Web]

Thank you Igraine and Jamdjohnson. I did write a letter to her with my thoughts and feelings. I just don't know if I can give it to her at this time. And I am also one who finds it much better to write than to actually talk. It is a great idea. Thanks again.

[nats]

hi TW, yes that makes a lot of sense. you need extra support right now b/c of everything dropped on you, yet you don't yet have a relationship with her that can provide that support so it ends up being another burden rather than a support - at least that's how we read it.

definitely hard. is there anyone/anywhere else you can turn for the extra support you need right now? we're ready to do our bit here if you feel comfortable talking, though recognise its not quite the same as face to face.

[dragonfairy]

SS to hear of all the really hard emotions and things going on in your life right now TW. Wish there was a magic wand that would make it all so much easier. Starting over with a new T is never easy to begin with let alone at a time when you need them to understand you and your situation the most! We agree with some of the others about the writing as sometimes that is the only way we feel like we really can get out what we want to say out of our head and heard but if you are not ready to give her that kind of letter yet you just take your time until you are comfortable and can do it in your own time.
Just remember there are alot of us on here that do care and are great listeners if you feel you need someone to talk to or to vent about something. Never the same as a face to face chat with a friend but can sometimes help when things get hard and you just want a friend to talk to.
We have found friends amongst us here that we know when we really need to talk all we have to do is come here and post and we will be heard and sometimes that truly means more then anything in the world!
We are glad you were able to share with us what you are going through now and we hope that it gets better in time as you and this new T get to know one another more.
In the mean time try to reach out to anyone that you may have that you are close to around you or as we said to those of us here in this group as we feel we all really do care about one another a great day.
Positive vibes being sent your way today for a good outcome

[dragonfairy]

SS to hear of all the really hard emotions and things going on in your life right now TW. Wish there was a magic wand that would make it all so much easier. Starting over with a new T is never easy to begin with let alone at a time when you need them to understand you and your situation the most! We agree with some of the others about the writing as sometimes that is the only way we feel like we really can get out what we want to say out of our head and heard but if you are not ready to give her that kind of letter yet you just take your time until you are comfortable and can do it in your own time.
Just remember there are alot of us on here that do care and are great listeners if you feel you need someone to talk to or to vent about something. Never the same as a face to face chat with a friend but can sometimes help when things get hard and you just want a friend to talk to.
We have found friends amongst us here that we know when we really need to talk all we have to do is come here and post and we will be heard and sometimes that truly means more then anything in the world!
We are glad you were able to share with us what you are going through now and we hope that it gets better in time as you and this new T get to know one another more.
In the mean time try to reach out to anyone that you may have that you are close to around you or as we said to those of us here in this group as we feel we all really do care about one another a great day.
Positive vibes being sent your way today for a good outcome

[Tangled Web]

(04-17-2013, 03:15 AM)nats Wrote: hi TW, yes that makes a lot of sense. you need extra support right now b/c of everything dropped on you, yet you don't yet have a relationship with her that can provide that support so it ends up being another burden rather than a support - at least that's how we read it.

definitely hard. is there anyone/anywhere else you can turn for the extra support you need right now? we're ready to do our bit here if you feel comfortable talking, though recognise its not quite the same as face to face.

EXACTLY!!!!!! Thank You for putting it in those words. That is exactly what I meant. And thank you for your offer, and all your support! I just wish I had someone that just knew........that didn't need the words to be spoken to understand............

[Tangled Web]

(04-17-2013, 11:57 AM)dragonfairy Wrote: SS to hear of all the really hard emotions and things going on in your life right now TW. Wish there was a magic wand that would make it all so much easier. Starting over with a new T is never easy to begin with let alone at a time when you need them to understand you and your situation the most! We agree with some of the others about the writing as sometimes that is the only way we feel like we really can get out what we want to say out of our head and heard but if you are not ready to give her that kind of letter yet you just take your time until you are comfortable and can do it in your own time.
Just remember there are alot of us on here that do care and are great listeners if you feel you need someone to talk to or to vent about something. Never the same as a face to face chat with a friend but can sometimes help when things get hard and you just want a friend to talk to.
We have found friends amongst us here that we know when we really need to talk all we have to do is come here and post and we will be heard and sometimes that truly means more then anything in the world!
We are glad you were able to share with us what you are going through now and we hope that it gets better in time as you and this new T get to know one another more.
In the mean time try to reach out to anyone that you may have that you are close to around you or as we said to those of us here in this group as we feel we all really do care about one another a great day.
Positive vibes being sent your way today for a good outcome

Thank You!

[Cammy]

TW: It never fails, does it? When the spit really starts to hit the spam, when you really need someone who knows the history of things in order to really understand the impact and huge significance of what is going on with us right now, that's the moment the universe picks to put us with a near stranger. A stranger who can't possibly know what this all means to us...has no idea of the enormity or immensity or overwhelming size of what we are trying to deal with. Why? Because he/she wasn't there before and hasn't got the facts, the pieces, hasn't heard what needed to be heard so that all this now can make sense or carry it's proper weight or urgency. Where does that leave us? Standing alone on the mountaintop, again alone, screaming at the sky and feeling like no one or nothing can hear us.

Here at MM, we DO hear, but the one you really needed to hear you just wasn't placed in your life at the right time. Probably means little in comparison to how you're feeling right now, but we understand the extreme frustration, the sense of aloneness, the massive sense of feeling misunderstood and the enormous feeling of loss that happens at times like this.

Sending you good feelings and hopes for things to get better. Wish we could do so much more. Igraine.