Reintroducing myself/ourselves *I* & Loss

[Katz Krew]

(07-15-2012, 06:47 AM)Vivey Wrote: So sorry for your losses! sad, sad.
Thank you so much for talking about one-ness. You described it so beautifully. I'm pretty much there too. like you it was a natural thing. didn't strive for it. wasn't political about integration. had a magnificent therapist who introduced me to my gang and worked on co-consciousness beginning 24 years ago. It was imperative to get our act together in order to be a good single mother. now I have a stellar 2 year old granddaughter with two loving parents. I am so proud of my little family!

I have simmering conflicts now, however, though and reading these posts is so helpful. I will never be a singleton any our processes will always be a mystery to my singleton friends. Not to you, though!
again, thanks!

Vivey and truculent Painty, Joan, Pete, and the Littles

Hi Vivey and truculent Painty, Joan, Pete, and the Littles,

It is sad but sadness is ok to feel too. Esp if I want to process my issue(s) and let it/them go. I have worked very hard on improving myself in all ways because I want to be free to enjoy life. The crap that lead me to where I am is something I'm finally ready to let go of. I do that by facing those emotions I've avoided facing all these years.

I'm glad when my journey can encourage others or help others in some way. Kinda makes up for the suckiness of what I went through ya know?

Thanks for your kind response.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[Vivey]

[attachment=35]
Hi Jamie,
I hear ya! I have paid dearly for fighting grief. I remember so vividly being cracked wide open in treatment 29 years ago and sobbing uncontrollably. I thought I was dying! I thought everyone would leave me because I was so crazy. Instead the group clapped. wtf? That began my recovery. I have since grieved copiously and learned to bear witness and comfort others in horrific pain. It does make up for it; being able to project safety and understanding in the face of horrific loss.
Thanks for your kind post!

Thought you might like this. borrowed it from a friend's facebook page

[Katz Krew]

I love that Vivey....thank you so much! I saved it to my computer.

Yeah stuffing the emotions is not a healthy way of dealing with stuff. I am learning to feel the feelings even if I'm kicking and screaming while doing so. Much healthier.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[Vivey]

you are quite welcome. I love your MLK quote too!

Vivey

[sharon/treehouse family]

I'm so sorry for what you have been going through. I'm so very very sorry...
The ingergration is painful to read because my T was taking about that today. we freaked out telling her that we didn't want to die and just cryed just the thought of it. I told her I have no idea how to function like you a single person doing everything all the time but she did say it was up to us. that made us feel alot better.

sharon

[Katz Krew]

(07-17-2012, 08:34 AM)Vivey Wrote: you are quite welcome. I love your MLK quote too!

Vivey

Vivey ))) I actually borrowed the quote from a friend's FB page.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[Katz Krew]

(07-17-2012, 04:34 PM)sharon/treehouse family Wrote: I'm so sorry for what you have been going through. I'm so very very sorry...
The ingergration is painful to read because my T was taking about that today. we freaked out telling her that we didn't want to die and just cryed just the thought of it. I told her I have no idea how to function like you a single person doing everything all the time but she did say it was up to us. that made us feel alot better.

sharon

Hi Sharon/Treehouse Family,

Thank you. It's been alot but I am doing really well.

I totally understand those emotions about *I*-ing as it's something I dealt with myself. I would not even entertain the idea of it for many, MANY years. My T would occasionally broach the subject and I would digest the info...a while would pass and it would come up again and I just kept sitting with the info each time letting it marinate if you will. Took a very long time and I suspect my insiders were listening closer than I was cause one day I just noticed my 5yr old Katie was gone. I then looked and found others were missing as well. Yet, they were still with me because they were me. No sadness, no tears, no de*th, just completeness, wholeness, oneness.

I do have to amend that a bit. I do sometimes miss Katie alot but I know she's still with me even if she doesn't front like she used to. I will say that *I*-ing did help the pocketbook quite a bit. When Katie was separate I could NOT leave any store without a package or two or three or four or etc of stickers--even if I owned the same stickers and there were no new kind to buy I would still buy stickers. Now I look at them, occasionally I buy some (esp if it's a 75% off sale) but there's no NEED to buy them like there used to be.

I think your T sounds very wise. My T never pushed me into it. I just suddenly realized it had happened without my stressing over it. IDK about other people's *I* process but mine was very natural and I'm very glad for that.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[sharon/treehouse family]

Jamie,
How did it feel? what was going through your mind? what did you think? where you scared? did anyone say bye? Sorry, I have to stop....I'm getting to emotional and starting to cry.

take care....

sharon

[Katz Krew]

Hi Sharon,

I didn't feel anything really. I didn't even realize we had *I*'d til one day I woke up realizing that Katie, our 5yr old, was no longer separate. That made me realize others insiders were also no longer separate. It was easy and very natural. No one really said good bye. They just melted all together. Not scared at all. A bit sad (still get that way sometimes) when I realized Katie wasn't separate but she's really the only one I "miss" and I don't even really miss her cause she's part of me instead of separate. It was like everyone just melted into one big ocean. I'm very happy and am glad it happened that way. No struggles, just no longer a need to be separate I guess.

I'm sorry it made you cry. I really never wanted to *I*. Always said "no way, no need" but then, after it happened I was happy. Either way I was happy. I feel like I would be a winner regardless of if we were separate or not. I just feel like I'm more well rounded is all. They are with me cause they are me.

I hope this makes you feel better. Please feel free to ask anything you want to know. I think the scariness (at least for myself) was that I didn't understand the process of *I*-ing. Now that I've gone through it it seems very easy, natural and gentle.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[sharon/treehouse family]

Hi Jamie,

I don't know if everyone thinks this way. I never really asked other D.I.D members here if they believe there inners are apart of them as the host because for me there their own person/thoughts/feeling/ideas/likes/ and dislikes. most of the time I consider me not the host but a multiple like everyone else. Is that weird. I'm more inside then outside. every time I/we think we're making progress something else is happening. we're still learning to work together. Nobody had a clue nobody couldn't see what that inner looked like but but what the body looked like on the outside and couldn't understand why everyone saw a girl and not a boy...That was a month ago a teen figured it out in the system and she along with the system was devastated...rightly so....we have a long ways to go and to understand....If I/we have any questions.....we will go to us...my friend.....take care.....

sharon

[Katz Krew]

Hi Sharon,

I'm sure you are right about how everyone feels about *I*-ing because we are all so different. I only share what I felt cause I think it's good to talk about it. I like you and the Tree house family regardless of how you feel or whether you decide to ever *I* or if you decide never to *I*. The only thing I care about is that you are happy. As for my "host" it was Kat that fronted the most. She was in her early 20s (I am 45 now and this was about 10yrs ago). I had males but never had the confusion you speak of because the inners were mostly female like the body. I am sorry that everyone was so upset about what your body is. I can understand how that would be hard to accept especially when you don't feel the way you look.

Ok, I've got an early day tomorrow so gonna head to bed. Hope we can chat again. I like chatting with The Tree house family.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew