Reintroducing myself/ourselves *I* & Loss

[Katz Krew]

So basically I have been *I* for about 2-3yrs now. Not sure exactly what brought me back though curiosity was part of it. I've miss everyone here. Lots of stuff happening. I lost our dad last year. Lost a relationship with a best friend cause her bf hit on us--in front of her! Lost my soul cat in May this year....she was so only 3 1/2 and had been with me just 2 short yrs. Lots of sadness. Cause of dad passing my brother & I have to sell his house (I lived with him) and so lots, lots, LOTS of change and I am a bit nervous, sad, scared. It is a good thing though cause now I can live my own life not my parents' lives which has been what I've done all my 45years here on planet earth. Started living for myself back in 09 even though "dad wouldn't approve". Getting stronger day by day. Becoming who I truly am day by day and loving life even through the sadness.

See ya!

<3
Jamie of Katz Krew

PS. Our profile pic is of my baby who passed in May 2012. She was such a healing cat for me.....miss her so much.

[MakersDozn]

we soree bowt yur kitee

ana uthr stuf

we glad 2 see yoo tho

yur uthr peepl al smush 2gethr insid? yoo still heer them?

david hoos 5

[Katz Krew]

(07-04-2012, 09:11 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: we soree bowt yur kitee

ana uthr stuf

we glad 2 see yoo tho

yur uthr peepl al smush 2gethr insid? yoo still heer them?

david hoos 5

Hi David hoos 5!!! I remember you (or maybe it's Katz Krew's Katie who was also 5 and used to post on here that remembers). Thank you so much David. I am sad cause I miss her but Sophie (the kitty) brought alot of healing and love to my life so even though we were together only a short time I am so happy to have had her in my life.

As for my dad, he was very lonely without my mom and was ready to leave. He was in pain on a daily basis both physically and emotionally. He lived a good life though and I know in my heart he's not hurting anymore. I do miss him though.

As for us *I*, yep we all squished together inside. I feel them more than hear them. I was always afraid of losing them and never wanted or planned to *I* but one day I woke up and realized Katie was no longer separate. I then searched and realized I was "missing" alot of the others inside but I knew they were part of me and not totally gone. I just became a more well rounded person who could do things the others had done before....like Mr Fix-It who would do stuff around our home (hang lights, fix broken stuff and such). I am female in body and Mr Fix-It was created to do stuff a man would/could do. I know they are still with me cause I now fix stuff myself. It's very cool actually. It just happened naturally. One day we just realized "oh, so and so is no longer seperate". A while passed and we realized "oh, so and so is no longer separate". It kept on happening like that until there was just me, Jamie, left. It's been a really good thing for me/us. Totally natural and easy.

David hoos 5....thank you so much for responding. It's made me feel very welcome and happy.

I hope the rest of your day is amazing!

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[WendyLee]

Welcome back! So sorry about your kitty and dad and friend, we hope you feel better real soon.

We are new here and really love it! We have been waiting to get better our whole 56 yr existence, but it is too hard by ourselves. It is very comforting and enlightening to have a safe place and to give the inner alters a voice, if and when they are ready to be seen.

[mosaic]

welcome back! we are close to *I* but not all the way... just we are all so much "closer" inside that we don't jump out and talk like we used to. does that make sense?

so sorry about the losses - that is always very sad.

we hope you will keep coming here - we remember you from before and missed you while you have been gone. and we don't think it matters if you are *I* or not. you still have a home here!

[Katz Krew]

WendyLee....I spent alot of time at the old forum and agree that this place brought alot of comfort and a safe outlet for the feelings that came up. It was also good to know I wasn't alone in what I was feeling....not that I would wish anyone to have some of the ones I struggled with of course.

Mosaic....thank you so much for that. Thinking maybe I stayed away thinking that since I am *I* that this place wasn't really needed anymore. It's nice to be welcomed back so lovingly. I/we remember and missed you too! That's awesome about being close to *I*. I used to think it meant an ending to my individuals but, with my T's help, came to realize that I wouldn't lose anyone but just be a more complete individual myself by coming together. I feel stronger too--emotionally, mentally, sp*r*tually and even physically. It's been a great thing for me and I don't regret it at all. Never intended to get to this point as I enjoyed everyone being separate but here I am.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[MakersDozn]

hay katz krew

itok yoo at mm agen if yoo al smushd

yoo ar frend

thank yoo 4 teln bowt smushn

david hoos 5

[Katz Krew]

(07-05-2012, 12:34 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: hay katz krew

itok yoo at mm agen if yoo al smushd

yoo ar frend

thank yoo 4 teln bowt smushn

david hoos 5

Hi again David hoos 5. Thank you my friend. Glad to know Katz Krew is still welcome here....feels good.

Glad I could share my smooshing story with you. I am always happy to answer questions cause I like that I can share my experience with others....it makes me happy to do that.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[mosaic]

(07-05-2012, 11:37 AM)Katz Krew Wrote: Never intended to get to this point as I enjoyed everyone being separate but here I am.

we think the only time *I* works is if it's more or less spontaneous - anything else is forcing someone to do/be something they aren't

that's what happened with us... it was never something we worked on or had as a goal - and how we are is right for us right now - may not be for someone else for sure and that's okay too.

[Katz Krew]

I agree Mosaic. I remember reading how others *I*'d and they described it as the core and the one to be *I*'d "melting/melding" together consciously. That wasn't it at all for me. Just realized one was missing...then another and another til we were me. It was not conscious at all on my part. I think it also helped that we didn't need to be separate anymore. But there was never a thought before it happened that it would happen. I believe it was when I suddenly realized that Katie was no longer separate from me that I even realized the others were not separate either. My memory is quite a challenge so it's a bit fuzzy....it's always been fuzzy for me.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[MakersDozn]

(07-05-2012, 06:49 PM)Katz Krew Wrote: I remember reading how others *I*'d and they described it as the core and the one to be *I*'d "melting/melding" together consciously. That wasn't it at all for me. Just realized one was missing...then another and another til we were me.

It's good, then, that you feel free to speak about the process. The more that people share their integration experience in a nonthreatening way, as you're doing here, and the more that places like MM perpetuate a culture in which all healing choices are safe to discuss, the more that people will recognize and be comfortable with a variety of experiences.

We're not big on seeing the integrated person as the "core" either. We think that taking a "Humpty Dumpty" view of integration, in which the "pieces" are "put together" to make the person whole, is inaccurate and misleading, and that it puts too much pressure on people to think of integration as a a process in which individual insiders disappear. Your description, Jamie, of people coming together naturally and spontaneously, sounds like a much healthier way of moving forward in your healing process.

Thanks for the topic.

Allegra, Mary, and others

[Katz Krew]

(07-05-2012, 07:29 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: We're not big on seeing the integrated person as the "core" either. We think that taking a "Humpty Dumpty" view of integration, in which the "pieces" are "put together" to make the person whole, is inaccurate and misleading, and that it puts too much pressure on people to think of integration as a a process in which individual insiders disappear. Your description, Jamie, of people coming together naturally and spontaneously, sounds like a much healthier way of moving forward in your healing process.

Allegra, Mary, and others

Hi Allegra, Mary & others....I agree with your comment above. I said "core" person merges with the "separate" ones but that's only cause I couldn't think of how else to word it. I think the reason I never considered *I* was cause I didn't consider myself or feel broken. I agree too that the more people who talk about it the less scary (my opinion) it becomes.

Thanks for chatting about this with me.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[orek]

Wow, Jamie, that's a lot of loss and change in such a short period of time. I was admiring the cute kitty in your profile pic even before I read about her. So sorry she left you so soon. But you provided her with a loving bond for her life here, and that is so special.

Sounds like there are some good changes happening, too, like the "one" situation. That reflects a lot of good, deep work. I hope your life settles into a comforting, comfortable pace soon so that you can heal your heart from all these recent losses and continue to nurture yourself and reap the benefits of all that hard work. Take care--orek

[Vivey]

So sorry for your losses! sad, sad.
Thank you so much for talking about one-ness. You described it so beautifully. I'm pretty much there too. like you it was a natural thing. didn't strive for it. wasn't political about integration. had a magnificent therapist who introduced me to my gang and worked on co-consciousness beginning 24 years ago. It was imperative to get our act together in order to be a good single mother. now I have a stellar 2 year old granddaughter with two loving parents. I am so proud of my little family!

I have simmering conflicts now, however, though and reading these posts is so helpful. I will never be a singleton any our processes will always be a mystery to my singleton friends. Not to you, though!
again, thanks!

Vivey and truculent Painty, Joan, Pete, and the Littles

[Katz Krew]

(07-14-2012, 01:22 PM)orek Wrote: Wow, Jamie, that's a lot of loss and change in such a short period of time. I was admiring the cute kitty in your profile pic even before I read about her. So sorry she left you so soon. But you provided her with a loving bond for her life here, and that is so special.

Sounds like there are some good changes happening, too, like the "one" situation. That reflects a lot of good, deep work. I hope your life settles into a comforting, comfortable pace soon so that you can heal your heart from all these recent losses and continue to nurture yourself and reap the benefits of all that hard work. Take care--orek

Thanks Orek. I agree about my fur baby. We had a very special connection and alot of healing happened for both of us.

You are quite right about the good, deep work I've been doing. It's been very healing.

Looking forward to my own space and new life. Slightly anxious but still excited too ya know?

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew