Estate Stuff

[nats]

yes, it will take a long time before things feel 'normal' again. glad you have some amount of support from brother/s and those of us here. it's tough, but sounds like you're managing very well.

[MakersDozn]

Thanks, nats. We've been feeling very down lately.

For one thing, the loss of our father is very different from the loss of our mother. Our relationships with the two were very different.

Secondly, when our mother died 14 years ago, our father handled all of the estate stuff. Now it's up to us and our brothers, and even with them sharing the burden, it still feels overwhelming at times.

Thirdly, our ongoing system issues and our 3d life issues (largely work) bring even more stress. Oftentimes it feels like we're living moment to moment.

At least we have a good T, and we're doing well there. But that progress seems like a drop in a bucket moving at a snail's pace, if you pardon the mixed metaphor. Too little, too slowly.

MDs

[MakersDozn]

Our work cleaning out the house continues. Brother number 1 was in town again this weekend. The three of us (B1, B2, and us) made very good progress cleaning junk and crappé out of the downstairs rooms. B1 also took some books to a re-seller and got a few dollars for them. Most of the remaining books will either get donated to libraries or nursing homes or, sadly, disposed of.

We also went with B2 to look at an apartment. The place was clean and newly updated but a bit out of B2's budget range. B2 took some photos with his phone and emailed them to B1. He also called him, which was a good thing, because B1 convinced him not to jump into anything too quickly. B2 will keep an eye out for other listings. And B1 probably won't be back in town until the first weekend of December.

It's hard for each of us in our own way, going through this. We've mentioned before that B2 is the outwardly emotional one. His minute-long spontaneous crying outbursts have decreased greatly, but he made it a point of telling us today that he's still hurting.

"It feels like I'm dying inside," he said.

"I know how that feels," we told him. "I feel the same way sometimes."

It's true. We've had some dark thoughts lately, and not just because of this stuff. Other aspects of our life are just as stressful, and we recently told our T that it feels like our quality of life has gone down the toilet. We should say that we don't act on the dark thoughts, because we understand the implications of our actions. We stay safe, and we plod along in hope that the dark cloud of suckage will lift at some point.

Meanwhile, we're looking forward to our upcoming staycation. We'll be home all week of American Thanksgiving. B1 and family have decided to skip the gathering held by SIL's relatives, and we understand why. He needs a rest just as much as we do. SIL's relatives welcome us and B2 even if B1 isn't attending, but only B2 will go.

We like SIL's relatives, but our main point in going would be to spend time with our nieces. They and their parents are our comfort zone. Since they won't be there, we'd rather stay home. We'd rather eat a turkey sandwich from 7-Eleven and watch football than subject ourselves to four hours of discomfort and anxiety.

MDs

[MakersDozn]

We're not sure what provoked us into being in a triggered state this afternoon. We're usually not waylaid by seemingly random stressors that we can't identify, nor do we usually end up in a depersonalized/derealized state. (We can never figure out which of those two is which. All we know is that we couldn't stay present without wanting to dissolve or implode or something.)

Ungrounded. We felt ungrounded all afternoon. Every time we go over to the house to throw out stuff, it feels like we're losing a part of who we are. This was the first time that we and our two brothers were joined by brother number 1's wife and two teenage daughters. Essentially, it was the whole immediate family cleaning together for the first time, and it felt like loss to the Nth degree.

Not sure what else to say. We get frustrated by how imprecise language is. It's hard to convince ourselves that we've made ourselves clear to others, especially when we often feel like we're not clear to ourselves.

MDs

[Tangled Web]

I think we can understand what you are saying MDs and what you said makes sense to us. We are sorry you are going through this.
After our father died there were times that wave of realization and grief would strike like he had just died all over again. It is like maybe the shock had worn off or something........not sure how we could step back some days and handle things fine and then something would happen and we right back in that place again only feeling deeper than before. Grief is a very complex emotion imo.

Sitting with yous and sending you blue flowers if you like.
TW

[MakersDozn]

Thanks, TW. We appreciate your support.

Depression + anxiety + CPTSD + system needs + individual insiders' needs + therapy process + menopause + job suckage + sorting out father's estate + adult brother with special needs = exhaustion, MakersDozn style.

MDs

[Tangled Web]

Well that would exhaust anyone MDs. We do hope you can find some relief soon and take a much needed break.

[MakersDozn]

Well, we have off from work on New Years' Day, but we have to go back to work for one day on Friday. Some years, they're generous and give the extra day off under circumstances like this, because they know that very few people will come in. Thi$ year, they're not $o generou$.

Thanks,

MDs

[tweeter]

Hi, I haven't been around for quite some time, not even to read in the background.
I remember what went on when FM's mother passed. The house was large, dirty, and packed with a stuff. She hadn't lived there for I don't know how long, so no upkeep. Fortunately, none of the sibs (total of 5 kids) lived there any longer. No financial windfalls. I think her ex-spouse was still around.
Only thing I pass on re the dismantling situation is that this too shall pass. Feelings are something else of course.

But, this is your B-Day, and I hope you found joy in it.
tweeter

[MakersDozn]

It's really good to see you here.

But, this is your B-Day, and I hope you found joy in it.

Unfortunately not. See our thread on Steam. But thanks for remembering. We appreciate it.

We're just hanging in for now.

MDs