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Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 10-18-2014
Brother number 1 is in town this weekend. We and he and brother number 2 spent several hours today going through some of our father's things, as well as throwing out household junk and general junk that has no value. Brother number 1 calls this "low-hanging fruit."
There are also several estate-related matters that we all have to handle by making phone calls, filling out forms, etc. Brother number 1 got a headstart on a lot of this. We/MDs are continuing to do what we do best, making sure that household expenses are paid and that things stay organized.
The big challenge is convincing brother number 2 why it's financially impossible for him to remain living in the house indefinitely. We and brother number 1 are aiming to have the whole matter resolved sometime in 2015.
Lest anyone think that we're rushing brother number 2 through his grieving process, we're not. Our father stipulated in his will that the house was to be sold as soon as was feasible. The fact that B2 is an office clerk means that he just can't afford to live there. He didn't even know his annual salary. He had to get a recent pay stub so that B1 could multiply two weeks' pay by 26.
It ain't that much.
And it won't come close to being enough to cover costs. His take-home pay is 75% of the total cost of the mortgage, utilities, and property taxes. He also has to consider the cost of food, gas, and all his other expenses.
So his idea was to take on one or more roommates. B1 took great effort to point out to B2 that not only would there be no privacy, and no way of ensuring safety and trustworthiness, but the house would cease to be a home. It would become a rooming house, a building full of strangers. It would cease to have the same attachment value it had when our father was alive. Not to mention the fact that the house belongs equally to the three of us, and B2 can't afford to buy us both out.
For now, all we can do is reassure him that he won't have to move soon, at least in 2014. But we have to balance it out with some sense of realism so that it won't be a shock when he does have to move on.
Tomorrow is another day. And it'll be much like today.
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - nats - 10-18-2014
difficult. sitting with you if you want..
RE: Estate Stuff - The People - 10-19-2014
B2 is very lucky to have you and B1 there to be patient and caring but realistic. I am glad too that you have given him time to be there without his father. Does he ever visit you at your place? Do you talk about what you like about having your own place?
We would never think you were pushing your brother out. You speak so highly of him. Maybe in a little while you could start to get him to create an image of what would be a perfect apartment for him. Do you think he would do well in an apartment with a roommate?
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 10-19-2014
Thank you both. We should also add that B2 has Tourette Syndrome, so he tends to obsess and fixate on certain things.
We also think that he's been sheltered from some things in life, such as the realities of living fully independently. Our mother felt all kinds of guilt once she'd realized she'd given birth to a child with special needs, and in some ways she overprotected him. She made him stay in high school until he turned 21 because state law allowed it. Since he'd repeated first grade, he ended up staying in high school for two extra years. He took a vocational program and studied baking, but he never used what he learned later on.
What he does have going for him is that he's an ENFP with a lot of friends. He's well-liked and active in the community. So he has people he can go to for support and activities that keep him busy.
As for apartments and roommates: Yes, we've been talking to him about it. He's going to do some preliminary research online. We told him that it would be cheaper to have a roommate, but he says he doesn't want one for now. (Which all goes to prove the unfeasibility of sharing the house, BTW.) We and B1 will keep the roommate / apartment dialogue open with him.
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - The People - 10-24-2014
You are a good sister MD.
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 10-24-2014
Thank you. We try. It can be discouraging sometimes, though. Trying to be supportive when we don't feel like we have a strong enough foundation ourselves.
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - The People - 10-24-2014
Strange isn't it. I feel the same way. Once in H one of us (probably KA) was bored so she decided to practice riding a wheelchair that was sitting in te hallway. We were by the elevator when all of a sudden a toddler came scrambling out of nowhere and ran into an open elevator door. Had people been studying us they may have thought a healing had taken place we were out of that chair so fast and caught the child before the elevator took off.
I think that is how our whole life works. We do best when we help others and take the focus off selves. When we are alone and not focused on anything but ourselves we disintegrate. But when people we care about need us we hop on up out of that chair
RE: Estate Stuff - Tangled Web - 10-25-2014
Nicely put The people. We can relate to that on SO many levels. I think that is why we chose the profession we are in. Helping others stops us from completely disintegrating and disappearing.
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 10-25-2014
We guess that the fact that we work in the nonprofit sector is for similar reasons. Though, being multiple, we differ among ourselves as to how inclined we are toward a helping mindset. Our individual reactions to past traumas affect how we each view and approach life in the present.
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - Tangled Web - 10-25-2014
"Our individual reactions to past traumas affect how we each view and approach life in the present." That is very true MDs and can relate.
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 11-04-2014
We spent most of this past weekend on the seemingly never-ending task of cleaning out our parents' house. Along with both of our brothers, we began filling up a 15-cubic-yard (don't ask us to translate this into other measurements) dumpster with 50+ years of crap that had been amassed by our mother and father. So much junk. And, sadly, so many books that we'll have to throw out because they have no resale value, and we don't have the time or energy to do a yard sale.
Some of the furniture will be kept by brother number 2 when he finally moves. Most of the rest of the furniture will be donated to charity, as will most of our father's clothes. We're keeping very few items for sentiment....we just don't have the space to keep more.
It's exhausting.
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - Tangled Web - 11-05-2014
Hope you are able to get some needed rest MDs. Thinking of yous
TW
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 11-05-2014
On Monday morning, every muscle in our body was sore from lifting and dumping boxes. Muscles we didn't even know we had. We were so sore that we had to take Monday off from work.
Thanks,
MDs
RE: Estate Stuff - mosaic - 11-05-2014
i remember going through something similar after our father passed - filling a huge dumpster and still feeling like we'd barely made a dent.
hope you can recouperate from the achiness.
RE: Estate Stuff - MakersDozn - 11-08-2014
Thanks. We got over most of the achiness within a day or so, but we're still tired. This will probably not truly get better until we sell the house and brother number 2 is re-situated.
Brother number 1 is back home this weekend, so we're just doing minor stuff at the house. The dumpster is covered with a tarp until B1 returns next week. Meanwhile, we have banking to do, bills to pay, and household recycling (spray cans, batteries, curly light bulbs, etc.) to take to the town dump.
This is an "easy" weekend.
MDs