Grief.....MT

[Tangled Web]

Thanks MDs.
This is such a struggle for me. I think everything I ever believed was all based on lies. My father was not who he appeared to be. Not to me any ways.
I keep thinking how could he???????How could he do those things?????????????
I truly thought he loved me. He was the one person I thought loved me.
I keep asking the questions........but don't want to hear the answers. I don't want hear any excuses, because that is all they are to me right now. To me there are no reasons.........no excuses.....
My T tells me that how he was with me maybe wasn't based on lies or that they don't have to be lies.....how can they NOT be lies?
And why does grief anger have to hurt so much. I just want to be angry without feeling like crying. It feels like the rules have changed or something............
Thanks again for responding MDs and sitting and listening to me.
Laura