Things that add tosense of loss

[The People]

As I get older things come up that remind me how much I have missed out on in life. My friends' daughter, who I have known since she was 3 months old, just told me that she is engaged. Her younger sister is getting married this summer.

I won't be attending the weddings for a number of reasons, mostly because I never have a plus one and don't enjoy weddings.

As well, 3 of my brothers are ill. 2 have Parkinson's which is a growing problem. The eldest has finally agreed to go into long term care. The other is with his wife who also has health issues. One brother aged drastically and grew very thin so I am guessing that he is struggling with something but it is all hush hush. My 4th brother's wife is very ill and I never even met her.

Where has all the time gone? What do I have to show for my own life? No husband by decision but still, nobody to grow old with. I decided that, no hubby no kids, but I didn't have to worry. I have 2 health issues and while I didn't know about them during the era when I might have had a child, the 2 conditions probably would have stopped any of that.

Heavy sigh.

[mosaic]

it's really hard when we get these stark reminders of our own ageing.

i believe with the work you did before you had to stop that you touched many lives and i know that's not the same as having someone to grow old with - i think it is something that makes your life meaningful. it is hard when your life hasn't followed the traditional trajectory.

[The People]

I love children. I love my Katy Kitty but it is not the same. Anyone who knows me is aware of how things light up within me when I am around kids. The ones that saved me as I started to uncover things are all grown up and I have distanced myself from their mothers. At least I am aware of how unhealthy I am. (Better but still not fully rooted). They don't see themselves as they truly are. They live away from here anyway.