One of them but not all - knowledge of god

[Downtherabbithole]

*I put trigger symbol cause though I try not include too much info, I'm not sure what ppl here are triggered by and didn't know what to put as chr topic but has questions but could also trigger someone and don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so figured the trigger symbol safest one to put for everyone.

One of the insiders sings prayers to god, wonders why go thru long periods where experience life as if god wasn't even a factor. I think that parts either don't know he exists or cares and some prob don't trust him. How does one so divided on a subject process or deal with one wanting to reach out to god and others not want to or know they can. Can someone be a chr if only one part accepts god. I'm being careful what say here as some have experienced stuff at hands of chr leaders, some parts took that on, but how can one help others inside find or learn to trust god?

[Tangled Web]

Hi there. You don't have to worry too much about talking about God on this board cuz it is one of the reasons it is here. I think if one person wants to learn about God, maybe the one who is singing the hymns can teach them. If others don't then it might be a good idea to respect that and ask them to respect you if you want to learn about God. I don't know the answer to the Christian thing. Most of us inside believed in God our whole lives because we didn't think we had a choice to believe anything different. But now some see things differently and are not sure what they believe anymore and for some it can be a touchy subject that provokes a lot of anger. It can be a very conflicting topic and glad this place has it's board for stuff like this.

[MakersDozn]

We are not sure if we have answers to these questions, but we do want you to know that we hear you. We have a variety of beliefs, as well as varying degrees of belief. We choose not to belong to any spiritual group on the outside, because

(1) we do not want to favor one belief over another;

(2) we do not want to present ourselves to any spiritual group as having only that set of beliefs. It would not be fair to anybody involved, especially us; and

(3) by no means least, we feel that if we cannot be open about our multiplicity in a context as central to us as spiritual activity, then we do not want to participate.

We hope you find the clarity that you seek. Sending you peaceful thoughts.

MDs

[nats]

like MDs, our people hold a range of very strong - and in our case often very contradictory - spiritual beliefs. b/c of this there doesn't seem to be one religious community that fits us as a group.

[Downtherabbithole]

My issue isn't different beliefs so much as it is that some of our trauma is that of which done by church leaders or those in power in the church. And the reactions to god not intervening. Some even not being able to seperate god from those ppl who served him who had while in their care was severely betrayed. The actions that have haunted many parts in different ways for many years since left the church because of the more recent incident within a church several years ago while trying to deal with traumas of my own from people I had trusted outside of the church. It became that no one was safe, no one could be trusted, not even god, as he seemed to protect the man who still serves in that position n ppl still look up to him n trust him. I know most ppl would of dealt better in that situation as they wouldn't of dissociated while recieving counselling, or in panicked situations shut down to what now understand as parts with limited senses n movement right to a part only known as ragdoll as that seems to be what her role is, and all she can do. Become an inanimate object lifeless n not moving but also not knowing or catering what was happening because she simply didn't know. Other parts only partially inhibited were the ones who saw but didn't understand till memory was shared with others inside the pieces put together and after speaking to a friend though still defending him as not acting to intentionally hurt me, found later to realise, he knew what he was doing, even trying to trigger my dissociation only to do it all again. Though I've had more severe 'actions' done to me by others, I still feel what he did was worse. Because I lost my faith n he had used my own condition and things said in confidence to take advantage. Manipulating me to think I owed him cause he was the only one who tried to help me with my panic n trauma. I didn't know I had parts at the time. I didn't understand why things were so extreme so often all over the place. But in all of it, when I cried out to god to show me if it was ok what he was doing or not, to have someone walk in to tell me from their reaction if he was helping me or hurting me. Or to stop the pain causing me to be huddked on the floor hysterically crying like a child in pain that caused me to become vulnerable and to be taken advantage of. Where was god? Why didn't he stop it? Why didn't he care what damage was being done at the hands of this man, who spoke gods word at the pulpit. Why did he lead me down a path where I would meet him as a teen and later be retraumatised as a young adult. ? Where did god go when decided to leave the church to stay safe from further victimization? My chest hurts. That part that has felt this is coming to surface. But I must sleep soon. But I guess amongst those who took the trauma, those who witnessed it and felt angry hurt despair pain or those who don't remember or still trust him or not trust him those who trust god or font trust god. For me, it's not a choice between religions or gods. For me most agree its only about one god, that of chr faith. It's between whether god cares or not about ppl like me, the outcasts. Like the song 'god help the outcasts' from hunchback of notre dame. A song I heard watching the disney movie n cried. Often wondering if he could. Some are sure he does, even prays to him for a job that will not be so detrimentàl to health, but I'm afraid I don't share her enthusiasm, some, for some, the thought never crosses their mind to even ask the question. As if they don't even know he exists. Or think he doesn't care so stopped thinking of reaching out to him as an option anymore.

[Elizabethn]

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=dissociative+identity+disorder

[Downtherabbithole]

I'm not sure what you meant by that link... I know how to look up on the condition. The link just showed me how to look up the condition.. which ive done many times. N with no comments in there I can't tell if that was a friendly post or if u were annoyed at me for my post. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone by posting.. Maybe I shouldn't of said anything at all. Maybe I shouldn't of come to this place. Maybe I should of just tried to figure this out myself. I'm sorry.

[nats]

hi Downtherabbithole, it's an issue many people struggle with - with or without DID issues. most church's teach that God is kind and loving so the assumption is he'll be like a parent and try to minimise our pain. personally, given all the pain and cruelty in the world we've never ascribed to that belief. we see it more as we will experience good and bad, fair and unfair, and our role is to deal with it and learn from it as best we can.

however, many people have differing and strong opinions about this. it's an important debate and it's great that you've raised it.

[MakersDozn]

Hi Downtherabbithole....we agree with nats' comments. There are lots of people here in this community who have experienced similar things to what you mentioned. People here understand, and this is a good place to talk about it.

We're glad that you're here, and we're glad that you've posted.

MDs

[The People]

That evil man was not God. A pastor I tried to talk to just saw me as an angry person. I think it was easier than accepting the fact that he had no answers.

I went to the bishop and said "priests need more training re how to assist those of us who have been injured by clergy." She agreed and suddenly I was having a lesson on how to pray.. She even gave me a special cross that fits my hand. I will give it to my friend when I remember.

See Two's talks with God that was just posted. All of us have a different image of God. Some gave up on him long ago. It is what it is. If God really is who the bible says he is he will surely understand the complexity of it all.

MT


2
2
2
2
2
2

2
2
2
Being abused in the church makes the whole thing so complex. Throw idiots on the fire who have no answers and blame you for it... it is so easy to just walk away. I wonder if it is guilt or God that calls us back.

[Downtherabbithole]

I think of the man from hunchback of notre dame. The one with the funny hat. When he sings into the fire about how it was Esmeralda's fault he was doing these things n how if she wasn't going to be his that she should burn or whatever it was.
I found that movie after I'd left church n the song god help the outcasts is still a song that runs thru head. There's someone that wants to spend time with god in here, she often looks for helpful books in Christian book stores or looks at christian sites but I don't put much stock in all. I see it all as religion n I don't want religion. I think faith is different to religion, but what faith we had had been shattered by a mentor who used my own condition to get away with abuse n told me he was only one who understand. . everyone else in church rejected me cause I was too messed up so the only one who seemed to care was one who betrayed me, and used gods word n work to do it n made me feel like I owed him for taking the time to help me, knowing full well he was doing more harm than good. I feel like I can't face god till I have gone there n faced that man, that I needed to not only break his hold show myself we can face him n not shut down be triggered or the like... But also seperate him from god . I try to do this, but the thoughts of if this is what a pastor treats me like n views me, not just ppl outside of church, then what's gods view of me, this man represent god in church, teach about god, he taught me that god thinks I'm trash and that he doesn't give a sh*t about me. One day I wish I could say that to him or to someone in the church. Vindicate myself, they all accepted his lies, they saw my falling apart, even after the traumas from outside things had started to pass, no one knew the pastor was abusing me, they were too busy trying to ignore me, they felt sorry for pastor h bug to deal with such a troubled girl, they protected him, it seemed god was protecting him, no one came to my rescue, I had to save myself. Parts of me saving the ones hurting, who was there to rescue me, who was there to care that I was held captive by the abuse of a man supposed to be keeping me safe while in his care. Safe and church are really oxymorons. They in my eyes don't go together. I see some churches try to put it together in a program n I think that's a contradiction.. Such a contradiction, church is just another battle ground.

[Cammy]

The People is so right - evil does not come from God, but from man. I am grieved that you suffered at the hands of supposed 'religious' people. So many throughout history have used religion as a weapon to perpetrate abominations on their fellow man. I think it is interesting that despite this trauma, part of you still reaches for God. I don't have any answers as to how you can handle this persona in terms of your other selves, but if it were me I would allow this person to explore and broaden their spiritual interests. For you, however, this may not be a good idea if it causes disharmony and upset within your system. 

I am happy that you posted this issue. I am sure there are many others who have wondered how to approach this.  Thank you for your thoughtful post.

Keep safe...Igraine.

[morethanjustlex]

Hello downtherabbithole,
Only one of my 'people' is religious at all, the rest of us explore our spirituality but stay far FAR away from organized religion or the notion of God at all.
The one of us who is faithful, however, her name is Mari G and she's young, 14 still. She is a catholic, and she is often annoyed and horrified that the rest of us are not confirmed, let alone devout followers of her church.
She mainly struggles with religion in the context of our state of multiplicity - she worries endlessly about what happens when the body dies. She feels an obligatory responsibility to ensure that all of our souls are forgiven and accepted into heaven (which the rest of us don't even believe in). Even though I myself (Lex) am not one for religion, I feel badly for her - this must be a terrifying and desolate way to walk around thinking. She must feel so burdened by our "unholiness" all the time.
I'm curious to learn how others have handled discrepancies in religious/spiritual beliefs? What comfort can I offer to Mari G? Are we assuming we each have our own soul and that hers can independently be saved/fly off to heaven if that's what she believes?