Alter has a boyfriend

[Conundrum]

Hello everyone,

Conundrum has a major problem. One of Conundrum's alters has a boyfriend. This boyfriend does not know that we have DID. He ran into Conundrum at the post office and tried to kiss her. Of course, this caused a major problem. Now we do not know what to do if this happens again. Has anyone else had this kind of problem? Do you have any ideas on what we can do if this happens again? We simply told him that Conundrum's response was part of a trauma reaction. He has accepted this for the moment but what happens when he sees Conundrum again and thinks it is the alter he has been dating? We are very confused and very afraid! What can we do????

[The People]

Is the alter who found this boyfriend willing to pull back for a while? It sounds like you need to work things out. At least you know what is happening. We didn't know about our DID when we were dating which made it extra complicated.

We don't start off with the DID. I have told people I have PTSD; they understand that better. If you become serious that would be the time it explains.

Anxiety is the cornerstone of PTSD and DID is at the extreme end of the continuum. So, by telling a person you have PTSD you could just say that you are having a bad day if you are not in the mood to be kissed.

Grey would put us in situations where she would take interest in a guy and then disappear. So we no longer date. Grey has matured and is more willing to work with us.

[Conundrum]

(07-07-2018, 09:48 PM)The People Wrote: Is the alter who found this boyfriend willing to pull back for a while? It sounds like you need to work things out. At least you know what is happening. We didn't know about our DID when we were dating which made it extra complicated.

We don't start off with the DID. I have told people I have PTSD; they understand that better. If you become serious that would be the time it explains.

Anxiety is the cornerstone of PTSD and DID is at the extreme end of the continuum. So, by telling a person you have PTSD you could just say that you are having a bad day if you are not in the mood to be kissed.

Grey would put us in situations where she would take interest in a guy and then disappear. So we no longer date. Grey has matured and is more willing to work with us.

Thank you!  Those are great suggestions.  It is easier for others to understand PTSD than DID.  Rosie may be willing to back off a bit but I do not know how the boyfriend will respond to that. Thank you so much for the suggestions!  

[The People]

And if the b/f backs off he wasn't worth it, to begin with.

[Cammy]

THis is NOT advice - I'm just saying what my reaction would be. I would just tell him the situation and see what happens. He'll likely bolt. The alter might be peeved (or not), but not disclosing would cause more problems and complications for me than we could possibly even begin to handle. I've always been one for the direct approach, but I have to admit, it's not for everyone.