A book.

[The People]

Years ago I bought a book called 'What's So Amazing About Grace'. I guess I was not ready for its message as, after the first few chapters I set in on a shelf to collect dust.

Yesterday I pulled it out again. I am at a section where they talk about forgiveness. This is an issue that I have struggled with for a long time.. When my mother died in 1992 all I could think was that I didn't want her going to h&ll. A few years ago I decided to turn it all over to God because I did not know how to forgive such horrors. Especially the red dot people. Some of whom I don't even know.

After doing some reading yesterday I sent a happy new year message to 1 sister who tried to contact me through Facebook. I am not ready to do the same for all of them but I have spoken with her daughter who is my Godchild (Well through Messenger). I don't know if I will hear back from her but it is a start.

[mosaic]

forgiveness is a really difficult thing to do. we discovered it takes a lot of time and happens slowly (for us, at least). you did a very brave thing reaching out to the sister. we hope it works out well for you.

[Cammy]

I've often heard it said that forgiveness is not about the person we are trying to forgive, but is for ourselves - so that the perpetrator no longer has power over us. I like that idea and agree with it. As long as we hold onto our anger, that person is obviously still hurting us. If I need to forgive to make them get their claws out of me, then I am certainly willing to give it a try. The thought that a perp is still hurting me, even one that is dead, makes me angry at myself, so I opt to forgive. Because of my religious orientation, I give my anger and hatred over to my designated higher power, and let him carry that burden. This is what works for me. It is liberating. I highly recommend finding a way to forgive in order to relieve oneself rather than carrying the crushing burden ourselves. Whatever form the forgiveness takes, it is well worth the effort, but as People pointed out, it is not necessarily instant or easy.

[dreamers]

Our pastor once said forgiving means giving up the right to punish. It's not saying everything someone did is okay but rather giving God the right to judge and punish. The analogy is taking the person off the tiny hook we humans can fashion and putting them on God's. If that person is doing their best to establish a safe relationship it could mean meeting the half way but if they are still behaving in harmful ways it doesn't mean we have to reconnect just to let unhealthy stuff continue. This idea has been the most helpful for us on the subject.