Misunderstood
|
Author |
Message |
Cammy
Senior Member
Posts: 694
Threads: 98
Joined: Feb 2013
|
Misunderstood
I am so tired of others in the outside world taking me wrong. What I mean is that they misunderstand my meaning or intentions, usually quite opposite to what I intended. I am frustrated and wonder why this keeps happening. One of my worst PTSD triggers is being blamed for something I didn't do. Lately, if the misunderstanding has led to me being accused of something I didn't do, then POW... the trigger is pulled and the pain & anger well up like a tidal wave. Then I am rebuked for being upset. Then I try to discuss the issue with someone else who has PTSD and THEY totally get it all wrong. I am SO peeved and frustrated and hopeless and feeling alone. I am painted into this horrible corner. I woke up this morning and I felt numb and blank like my hard drive had been wiped clean. I didn't know who I was. I mean - I knew my name and all that, but I didn't know WHO (as in what persona) I was. It was eerie. I was no one. Absolutely no one. It was like every one of me had gone into hiding to avoid the pain. This has never happened to me (us) before. Usually I shake things off, but this isn't going away, and the more I try to fix it, the worse it gets. I keep trying to get help, and it's like I'm invisible or something. No one sees how messed up I am, or maybe they don't care (paranoia must be kicking in for me to say that). I am hoping that a little more time will pass and things will reset themselves. Maybe my brain just rebooted or something. Feels more like a boot kicked me in the brain, but I'll have to wait and see what happens.
Sorry for the rant, but darn, I am SO frustrated and isolated and freaked out. Someone actually suggested to me that reaching out for help during a PTSD crisis was more like self-pity: that it was inconsiderate to expose others to my internal pain. Amazingly, I rarely ever reach out - mostly I am silent and tend to try to help others, so getting rebuked in this manner from another PTSD sufferer was especially painful. I'm in that special place where I can't trust myself or anyone else for that matter. When every word you utter risks being misinterpreted, it becomes a scary prospect to even speak anymore. I think it's going to take a while before I get this mess sorted out, but one thing is for sure - I won't be saying much to anyone for a while. Shazzbutt!!!!
Disclaimer: Any words or phrases used in our posts are meant in a completely respectful manner. Please know that we always endeavour to be kind and supportive.
|
|
12-28-2016, 11:26 PM |
|
Cammy
Senior Member
Posts: 694
Threads: 98
Joined: Feb 2013
|
RE: Misunderstood
Thank you VioletPeach! By the very nature of what made us become multiple, we all, I believe, have large trust issues. Once we place our trust in someone, we have the expectation that they will understand us. Perhaps my expectations are misplaced, but yes, it still hurts. We are all ultra-sensitive to issues of blame and abandonment as these are directly tied to our trust issues. I suppose that makes us over-sensitive when we are misunderstood by those we trust. This is just something that I have to work on, and I suspect that many here also have this struggle to overcome. It isn't feasible to trust no one (my old motto: Humanae non confido - trust no one). In truth to get through life we have to trust someone at some point in time, whether it be a spouse, a friend, or a therapist. But we are all cautious and our trust has to be earned, for sure!
I had read somewhere that one of the signs of potential mental illness was the perpetual feeling of being misunderstood by others. This was only one symptom along with many others. My feelings of being misunderstood usually occurs when I've been horribly triggered, and I believe that my teen, Fagan, is the one that has the strong reaction to this. Once I settle down and slowly switch back to my host personality, the feeling of being misunderstood seems to fade and I am no longer hypervigilant and feeling that the whole world is against me. I guess it just depends which personality is 'out'. Still, you are right to point out that the invalidation is totally unacceptable, mostly because of our expectations of finding succor and comfort from those we trust the most and who we thought truly understood us are the ones who have invalidated our feelings.
Disclaimer: Any words or phrases used in our posts are meant in a completely respectful manner. Please know that we always endeavour to be kind and supportive.
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2017, 10:02 PM by Cammy.)
|
|
01-16-2017, 09:59 PM |
|