Learned a lesson :) I hope

[The People]

I have started cleaning a new yoga studio in exchange for class time. I almost quit for a couple of reasons but we are changing some things, mostly my attitude but also the hours I work etc.

On Thursday I cleaned. I worked very hard, forgetting to drink water. That makes me grumpy for whatever reason. And I was tired. I had forgotten the attachment for the mop as I brought it home to clean it and it was either walk back or get down on my n=knees. I chose the latter and what a workout!

I walked to BP and had some supper, spending some extra cash that came in. The waitress made a tiny mistake. Put lemon on my water after I said not to. I got pissed, she apologized stating that it was habit. I downed a bunch of water as I thought of my reaction.

I had been thinking about other people’s reaction toward me. I think the people at yoga look down on me because I am a person with degrees scrubbing floors. In reality I look down at myself. But when I am there cleaning and nobody is around it doesn’t matter. Just put on my IPod and I go at it. I do a good job. A friend finds it strange since I am a slob at home. She doesn’t know that different people exist for different jobs. None of that stuff.

This poor waitress did something out of habit and I looked at her like she had brought my an extra large onion pizza. BLECK! I glared at her in the same way I FEEL like people look at me because of how my life turned out. I spent much of my time sitting there eating and thinking about the messes I get myself into because of what is going on in my head. I looked down on this girl ‘cause she messed up just like people sometimes glare at me ‘cause I mess up. Or I just think they are. How a lot of the bad things in my life are actually in my head. It was a real eye opener. For the most part of 24 hours I was in such a good mood. Even cleaned a bit. At home.

Well I did do a bit of looking back and cried for a little girl in grade 6 who was in so much physical pain and didn't dare cry out for help. I did get back into a better space afterward. Probably some switching going on. Went to Safeway. Went to Yoga where it was a good workout. Except that every time I would get too relaxed I would go into flashback mode. So I had to keep my eyes open and I created a visualization. Rowing a canoe on a lake. Water is calming which is why I take so many baths. I walked home just fine.

Went to go online to pay bills and my password was screwed up. Again. They asked me information that I couldn’t give them so they froze my cards. Have to go to the bank and fix it. Again. Then I got mad again and wrote a letter of complaint. Because something went wrong even before I got to a person. After I sent it I crawled into bed with the cat. Mad mad. But I went back to yesterday, to the realization that just because things go wrong it isn’t always the other person’s fault. Sometimes is it because I make the mistake or because nobody makes a mistake. Because I switched. Some people really are stupid but sometimes it is just me assuming the world is out to get me.

It was a good 24 hours aside from the flashbacks. And the hour or so when I was fighting with the computer. Hate flashbacks. Hate passwords.

[nats]

it's a really good and important insight for many of us!

[The People]

pdoc is happy too! As are we as we have been having a couple of good days.

and we just realized that it fits with your quote!

[Unity]

Quote:I spent much of my time sitting there eating and thinking about the messes I get myself into because of what is going on in my head.

[Unity]

Quote:Then I got mad again and wrote a letter of complaint. Because something went wrong even before I got to a person. After I sent it I crawled into bed with the cat. Mad mad. But I went back to yesterday, to the realization that just because things go wrong it isn’t always the other person’s fault. Sometimes is it because I make the mistake or because nobody makes a mistake. Because I switched. Some people really are stupid but sometimes it is just me assuming the world is out to get me.

In my view, anyway either it's in your head or not doesn't matter, if someone make you feel uncomfortable for some reason, he should not be doing it period. Now it's not always possible/pratical to communicate on these things with anyone, but in the ideal it's still not normal of other people if they don't respect you, or make you feel bad intentionally or not, and i generally try to make sure that people know when things they do disturb me, or then it mean the person doesn't have good intention toward you. In ideal world people are supposed to be caring about the emotional reaction of other to their action, otherwise it mean they lack empathy or are sociopath , but unfortunately there are plenty of people like this =)

It's always useful to also evaluate how your mind can distort things, or automatically make assumption about certains signs or other things, but if certain things or behavior disturb you, another person should avoid doing them, and shouldn't have to justify if it's in your head or not.

But well things doesn't always works that way he he =)