question about T

[angel with wings]

I have a T that only wants to talk. he refuses to answer any email that I might send or text. this is hard for my non-verbals, cause they cant communicate with him. I thought that it was unprofessional to ask this of him. but reading a lot of your different posts, I see that many of you do this. so its more of a matter of choice. its not that he cant, but he wont.
I did express to him that my non-verbals needed an outlet. they needed a way to communicate. also that I write more than I would ever say out loud. it didn't matter to him. he feels that if you are a non-verbal, then get verbal. I cant do that.
he seems harsh at times, and it makes it hard to build trust. my system fears him instead of trusts him. this cant be helping me.
also, I asked him once, on the subject of trust, why I should trust him. he replied that I should never just trust him (or anyone for that matter). that I should always question motives so I don't fall into any traps. never trust blindly. so I do that, I will question motives, including his. when I do this, he gets mad and tells me he wont play my silly games. he told me to do it! im so frustrated I cant stand it. I have stopped going to him. problem is, he is a friend of the family, which means I still see him otherwise. when I do, I find I cant speak to him or even make eye contact with him. he wont apologize to me, and if I wish to speak to him, then I have to except this and if anything, apologize to him.
what are your thoughts?????

[mosaic]

my thoughts are that he was ethically questionable to become your t if he already knew you as a friend of the family. you need a different t, who doesn't have a conflict of interest, or what they call a "dual relationship".

i dont think you need to apologize. from what you describe you probably won't ever get an apology from him. i'm sorry that you are left in that very awkward situation.

i would look for a different t for sure. for what it's worth.

[angel with wings]

(09-09-2014, 09:28 AM)mosaic Wrote: my thoughts are that he was ethically questionable to become your t if he already knew you as a friend of the family. you need a different t, who doesn't have a conflict of interest, or what they call a "dual relationship".

i dont think you need to apologize. from what you describe you probably won't ever get an apology from him. i'm sorry that you are left in that very awkward situation.

i would look for a different t for sure. for what it's worth.

as friend of family, we know him from our church. he had been an abuse counselor for years, and has counseled me along time. he has stopped being a T some years ago, but said he would do it to help me. I agreed, beings that he counseled me and knew the story already. at the time I agreed, I trusted him. as a T, the whole thing fell apart. now im left frustrated. its why I asked.

[The People]

Perhaps he has brought you as far as he is capable of doing. If he has known you that long he may also be old school when DID was considered to be almost completely non-existent. Time to look for someone else? A scary idea I know but I had done it for our own good.

[angel with wings]

Thanks, considering it.

[orek]

(09-14-2014, 09:09 PM)angel with wings Wrote: Thanks, considering it.

I wholeheartedly agree with mosaic and the people: time to find a different T. You deserve someone who works well with your system and works to build trust. And you owe him nothing, regardless of your history with him or his relationship to your family. This situation sounds very damaging. Please, find someone else.--orek

[angel with wings]

I know you are all correct. for now im not seeing anyone. im hoping to in the near future. I do however love talking to you guys, you have great advice and I learn a lot from your experiences.

[orek]

(09-16-2014, 08:48 AM)angel with wings Wrote: I know you are all correct. for now im not seeing anyone. im hoping to in the near future. I do however love talking to you guys, you have great advice and I learn a lot from your experiences.

We all learn a lot from each other, plus get unique support from others with similar experiences and/or POVs. Glad you're here, too.

[angel with wings]

thank you. thank all of you. it feels good to know im someplace where im wanted, and that you understand me. I know this is impossible, and most of you wouldn't want it, but in my dream world, I wish all of us could see each other. to be with others who get us. to know no one is staring or judging us, cause we are alike. nice thought if nothing else.

[orek]

(09-17-2014, 01:14 PM)angel with wings Wrote: thank you. thank all of you. it feels good to know im someplace where im wanted, and that you understand me. I know this is impossible, and most of you wouldn't want it, but in my dream world, I wish all of us could see each other. to be with others who get us. to know no one is staring or judging us, cause we are alike. nice thought if nothing else.

I understand that desire, and this forum long ago used to have external "get-together" events for those who wanted to participate and could get to the location. There are ways that anonymity works for this type of message board, however; I know we can share things here that we don't feel able to share with any external person, even a supportive other who knows about the DID. It feels less scary, at least to us. (If someone unexpectedly turns dangerous on us, all we have to do is stop coming here. They can't find us in the real world to do us harm. Obviously this is not anything we expect to happen, but it still creates a protective buffer/bubble for us.) I have wondered about going to some group therapy if available, though, because of that same desire poking through now and again. But we're too afraid of our privacy being violated and protected information getting out of our hands. For now, MM provides the needed acceptance and feedback. The desire is totally normal, though. Humans are wired to connect with other humans for survival, so of course!

[Tangled Web]

I couldn't agree with you more Orek! We feel the same way regarding the anonymous of it all. It does feel safe.

[angel with wings]

thanks guys I do understand your point of view too. I was just saying, thinking aloud again.