Apprehension over my first therapy session with new person

[Downtherabbithole]

I have my first therapy session with someone new n first in a long time. First time actually facing my condition, I usually ran the other direction when it came to this stuff. I found when they tried to talk to parts, the parts work run Havlock in the system. Shut down would happen. Would end up fully dissociated n unresponsive. Maybe because hadnt built trust before trying to call out parts. I have known the person for a long time but it wasn't till a while ago I knew of the condition or maybe it was just finally accepting what i knew but spent nearly a year on and off of looking for help, afraid to be locked away, afraid to accept n deal with it. I feared if I accepted it, I would make it worse, loose control of my habitat or faculties or become more obvious to people that I was so different to them. Though, what I've found is that I see more reason to my odd behaviour where as those around me see no difference n still see me as just quirky, odd, hyper, or just assume I'm drunk even if I'm not actually drunk or not even been drinking. Everyone just think its normal for me anyway, I seem to be the only one who notices the difference,except its not really so different, I guess I just become more aware. But I felt safe all this time, not having to talk about this with anyone else except closest friend. N also speaking anonomously here. I guess it's scary to deal with alone but as I've been hurt because of those parts I don't easily trust people. I've made that mistake too many times. I'm afraid what happened with the last counsellor I trusted so much.. I'm not sure I'm making right decision to go see him, but he has worked with people like us many times. N I guess not trusting unknown ppl, it's more a question of I know can't trust ppl don't know, but seeing the amount of times that been betrayed by people I trusted.. Is getting help worth the risk of being retraumatised again..