T gift for Two

[The People]

Two is obsessed with socks. One day when we arrived early we wandered through some shops that are near her office. The stores are quaint. One has a shop with funky socks in them so of course Two loved them.

T brings Two little gifts so after we talked about the socks we TOLD her not to buy them as a gift for Two. We knew we wouldn't be able to wear them anyway. There is something in that sort of knit that itches us. Same with sweaters etc. We told her that.

At the next session she handed us a pair of the socks. We should have refused them. She is being nice to Two (she charms Ts) but still.

Gabriel wrote her a note in the last stuff we brought to her. He addressed the issue. Noted that an occasional gift was acceptable but we had specifically asked her not to do that. He wrote about listening a few times.

I don't think she will get mad but we are somewhat worried. At the same time we feel the need to stop this. As we said, Two is our responsibility and we just need her to listen.

[MakersDozn]

Your last paragraph says it all. "Two is our responsibility and we just need [our T] to listen."

We agree that it's important to let your T know this. And we hope that she gets the message.

MDs

PS: We removed the duplicate post.

[The People]

LOL. Thanks for the last part. Also glad you agree with us. There are some very good things about this T and some that are not so good, this being one of them. Of course now Two is worried that we won't get a Christmas present from her. We have cut off our source of 'Santa' Long story but they cannot count if they don't even talk to us. She makes us feel like we are calling looking for money any time we phone her. We are grateful that she has been there to help but help is not just handing out presents and money. A whole different topic here. Mind is else where.

[orek]

I have to admit that reading this brings up big concerns re: boundary issues. An occasional small gift from your T to draw out a kid or establish a connection would be okay, but regular gifts (especially when not respecting your express wishes)--and even more concerning, handing out money--seem to constitute a real boundary violation to me. And for the exact reason that things can get to feeling weird and unsure as it does now for you. I hope I'm reading it wrong, but regardless of how charming a particular insider may be, our Ts need to be keep sight of and treat the "whole" person and not engage in behavior that helps solidify the separateness or appears to take sides. I'm sorry you and Two have to work through this confusing dynamic, and I hope your T listens and adjusts her giving accordingly.