Trust

[Tangled Web]

This post is kind of a continuation of my last post here. I haven’t had a lot of time lately to go into any form of details of what happened in our last t session other than it was hard and went well. I was able to talk to T about the issues I was having with her last statements to me and came to some kind of understanding. The session started off with her having the email we had sent her in front of her and she says to me……. that the email showed her I was starting to trust her . I found that extremely interesting considering that was the last thing in the world I was feeling at that moment in time. She said it was because I was letting her know my thoughts, showed her I was starting to trust her. I guess on some level that makes a little bit of sense, but not entirely. So we were able to talk things out and I left her office with a lot of things to think about that she had said to me.
The two things that stuck out in my mind were the topic of forgiveness and trust. She has had over 20 years of experience in this field of trauma and I guess the best way to put it is……she has heard it all as the saying goes. She didn’t say that to me in those words. She would never be that cocky. But what she did say was that I surprised her with the comment I made about forgiveness. She said I took it to a whole different level and it was something she has never came across in all of years of her experience. Not entirely sure how I did that and haven’t really thought a lot about that yet.
But what I have been thinking is about is the word trust. I have been trying to figure out what it is. I know this might sound kinda stupid because trust is a word that is used a lot when it comes to talking about the past and I do understand it is very complex. I have looked up many definitions to describe what the word means……..but that is not what I am looking for. I don’t really know how to describe what I am looking for. I want to know what it means BUT not in a definition sort of way. Does that make sense?
So I guess what I am asking is what does trust mean to you? How does it make you feel when you trust someone? How do you know when you trust someone? We are extremely interested in everyone’s responses to this. I know this is a very loaded question because like I said trust can be very complex. But it is something I don’t know how to figure out or even know where to begin to try and figure it out. I know it takes time to build and it just isn’t given away freely. I think the T has to do something to earn it by the responses she gives to the things that are said. That makes sense to me. But what do you with that? Is it a conscious choice or does it just “happen”? I think maybe it is both. I think it also has to do with the risks you take and what she does and responds to those things. That makes sense to us also. But does the fear ever go away?
How will I ever know if I trust someone if I can’t figure out what it means?
Emma

[nats]

trust can be both a passive feeling and an active choice. you can choose to trust someone (e.g. by confiding in them) you don't feel trust towards, or even who you don't feel is worthy of your trust (e.g. in an emergency, or medical/dental care). alternatively, you can feel trusting of someone you don't actually take any trust-demonstrating action toward.

[Tangled Web]

ok so trust is confiding in someone? What is .............feel trusting of someone you don't actually take any trust-demonstrating action toward? What does that mean? How does that feel?

[nats]

it means that somewhere inside you feel like you probably could but you don't..