Overwhelming and extremely scary day

[dragonfairy]

In just two hours we have to go and meet with our new psychiatrist. For us this is a very scary thing. We have had many on and off over the years and NONE of them have understood anything about us or have ever been of much help. They all seem to just want to drug us with meds to "make the voices stop" as if that is ever going to happen and send us on our merry way. They dont listen to anything we have to say at all. They scare each and everyone in our system. Our "T" actually picked this one out herself as he is a friend of hers that is supposed to specialized in people like us that suffer from being DID. So he is supposed to understand us more and be of more help but just because he says that doesnt mean that we trust him one bit. We hate all the questions and all the invasion of our privacy. It also really has bugged us in the past when these so called "doctors" have tried to make friends with some of us inside. We dont want to make friends with someone who just wants to drug the body to make us all go away anyways. We know to the outside world we are freaks but to us this is who we are and we like how we are. We may not be perfect and we sure are alot screwed up but we are still us and want it to stay that way! All the "littles" are crying and begging not to go. All the "bigs" are preparing for whatever fight may come. And our host is scared out of her mind because ever shrink that we have ever seen has managed to set off so many past memories that we have regressed each time and eventually ended up back in the hospital. So today overall is a very stressful and scary day for everyone in the collective. Just thought we would share with all of our friends here just in case no one heard from us for a few days or more you would know why.

[nats]

hi dragonfairy,
hope you guys can hang in there. sounds very tough and scary. also sounds like your T is trying to find a Pdoc who won't be as awful for you. doesn't mean you have to trust him but it's nice that your T cares.

let us know how it goes when you feel able and good luck!!

[Cammy]

Hi DF. Yow...that is a very scary thing. I'm like you..don't like Ps much because, well, we all know what they're like. It is encouraging that your T helped pick this one, so MAYBE he/she will be more keyed in to what DID is and how we are to be treated. My P is against any drugging to 'take the voices away' or to 'stop the hallucinations'. He believes that these things are quite naturally a part of the multiple personality and should not be suppressed. All the recent literature on medical treatment of DID is definitely moving away from using antipsychotics for treatment. Sometimes, like in my case, I have to use mild sedatives to control the intense anxiety, but my P has forbidden the further use of SSRIs and antipsychotics. The problem is that everyone's system is different, and even that system has different needs at different times. It would be super if you could be able to just tell your P if something he is doing or is proposing to do makes you uncomfortable. Maybe even tell him why it makes you feel uncomfortable. I know that's not easy, but if we say nothing then he's just going to do what he's going to do and you will come away unhappy and feeling misunderstood. Sometimes when it's hard for us to talk to a new P, it has helped to bring along an advocate - a trusted person who understands us and our needs. Sometimes they can speak for us. I tend to lapse into a quiet 11 year old with new authority figures, so I just can't speak up for myself while I'm like that. Anyway, these are just things that have helped me. I hope that everything goes okay and that this new P turns out to be a decent choice for your needs. Good luck.

[Cammy]

Hey DF...just read on another post that your adoptive mom and T are going with you to the P appointment. That's just super. I hope that will help make you feel at least a little better about it. Best wishes for your session.

[Cammy]

Hi DragonFairy...We've been thinking good thoughts for your meeting with your new P, and truly hoping that the whole thing wasn't too much of an ordeal for you. We're hoping that you are doing okay and looking forward to when you're feeling well enough to come here and post again. We really enjoy talking to you and have very much valued your personal input and empathy. We're sending you a big bouquet of positive feelings and nice gentle thoughts to help you feel better soon. Take special care.

[dragonfairy]

Thanks for the positive words Nats and Ingraine while I was away. It has been a hard couple of days. The visit with the Ps was really scary. Our "t" ended up not being able to make it but lucky my adopted mom was able to come and help me through it. The next visit is in 3 more weeks and next time both of them are going to be able to come. For at least the next month or two they are either one of both going to go with us to the visits until we feel we can go on my our or if that happens. We spent 2 hrs talking about nothing but just medications alone. Ones that we are currently on, past medications, and ones he wanted to take us off of and one he wanted to try mus on. It was everything everything we had not to run out screaming. But our mom was great and held our hand when needed. Brought us back from spacing out when needed and the Ps didn't even notice anyways. And had us take breaks as needed so as not to get to overwhelmed. We were glad that he did agree to take us off the medication that the hospital put us on while we were there a few weeks ago as it was making us worse and giving us tons of side affects. Then he asked about starting us on another one for nightmares that he said might help us to sleep so we agreed to try. It is a new treatment that is being tried for PTSD and nightmares that works for some people but not all. And for us we have them so bad and never sleep we decided that in this case it was worth a try. As for what you said about other meds Ingraine we only take anxiety meds and nothing else besides this new one at night. Our "t" doesn't want to drug us out either as she has a agreement with us to respect our wishes to not be drugged. So she said she would make it clear at the next meeting with the new doc that he is to respect that wish if at all possible as well. Has been a scary few days and things are still really hard but we are taking things one moment at a time which is all we can right now. Hopefully one day things will get better. We are glad though to be back here amongst friends that at least understand us and we can share and not feel embarrased of who and what we are!

[Cammy]

DF: I am so relieved to see you back and relatively okay. I was so worried that the session would be upsetting enough to put you back in H again. I'm so glad that didn't happen. Still, it doesn't sound like this went very easy...when does going to the P ever get easy? At least he/she took you off the med with all the side effects - that's got to be a good thing. Also if the new med helps with sleep, that would be great too. I was so happy to see that you posted and were okay. Yes, here you are among friends who understand. I was just going to bed when I thought I would check just one more time, and there you were! I will sleep better tonight because of it. Take care for now. Thanks for giving us your update. I hope you have a better night tonight. Sending you good vibes. Igraine.

[nats]

hi DF, thanks so much for posting and updating us all! sounds like it was really tough but well done for getting through it . hopefully, next time will be easier.