Difficult conversation ahead

[Tangled Web]

It has been awhile since we have been able to post anything concerning us. We have been struggling and as per our usual, we isolate and somehow end up shutting everyone out and just focus on functioning by going to work and coming home. We find safety in the loneliness, but also alone. A double edge sword for us.

Tomorrow I am going to see my T and I am truly trying to get up the courage to have the conversation that has been rolling around in our brain for sometime now. Thinking that maybe it is time to quit seeing her.

I think I have to start at the beginning for this one. I have been seeing my T for a few years now. When she realized I had "others" inside me, she came right out and told me she has no experience with that and wasn't sure she knew how to help me. I stood firm and told her we would learn together. She was the first therapist we have ever had that actually was able to see, accept and talk to the others. She is also the longest therapist we have ever seen. We usually get magically cured after 2 years, don't know why but that is usually our cut off point. We have made alot of progress seeing her and we are able to see it. Lots of things have changed in our lives while seeing her and she has helped us through so really awful situations that have came up.

Spoiler

The death of my dad, the loss of my son, letting the abusive relationship with my mother go........

But when it comes to me dealing with things, or trying to connect to my feelings, somewhere along the lines the ball gets dropped and I can't get there with her. I need her to go deep with me and for some reason I can't get there with her. There have been times I have seen glimpses of it but it gets lost as soon I think I have it.
I don't have direction, and I need direction because it is so easy to get lost inside my head.
I can't finish this now........thanks for listening

[Katz Krew]

Hey TW. Totally hear the delema. The T I had before now had turned into a hitch session for me with very little progress. I found that I would give her "surface" answers that partially answered the quest but in fact the answer was much deeper but I didn't want to go.that deep. I switched to a T who uses EMDR. Ive had a lot of progress with the current T. I have found that sometimes I need new energy in my sessions and new Ts offer that. I did explain to the current T (right at the start) my tendency to give surface answers and she will dig deeper do I can't get away with that. It's been working quite well.

Ive had a lot of different Ts in the 18yrs I've been in it. Ive found that each was exactly what I needed at the time I was seeing them. I don't believe my current one would have been as effective had i started my T journey with her 18yrs ago. I wasn't ready for the intensity back then.

If you're able to do so I think it would be a good thing to share whatever the issue(s) are that you have with her. Perhaps she may know of a way to work through it. If not then moving on is still an option

Sitting with you and sending good thoughts and vibes your way for your appt and the issue you're facing.

<3
Jamie of Katz Krew

[Tangled Web]

Thanks Katz Krew

[mosaic]

hi TW -

it is a courageous and strong move to talk to T about your concerns. i know it is difficult and scary too.

sending you positive thoughts

[nats]

hi TW, totally feel like we understand what your saying - not that we know your situation, but that we could have written a similar post. we're leaving our T, mainly b/c we're leaving the place we live but we've just not been able to get deep with her and not sure we'd be able with any T. best thing is definitely to talk openly with her and see how you feel after. good luck!!

[Tangled Web]

Thanks everyone for your understanding and support.
we are still trying to figure things out.
TW