spacing out and not truly engaging

[Katz Krew]

I'm finding it hard to focus when having conversations with my friends. Very distracted. Spoke to 3 diff ones today and realize that I really couldn't tell you details of the conversations we had. This is something that seems to happen pretty frequently. Two were dealing with heavy issues and really needed my support. Feeling like I failed them somehow. It's like when you hear someone but aren't truly listening and then they ask a question or go silent and you wake up knowing it's your turn to say something and i panic cause i have no idea how to respond.

It's always after the fact I become aware that I did it again. I don't mean to be "spacey" with them but I'm not really aware I'm doing it til hours later. IDK how to stop doing it. My brother brought it to my awareness ab 6mos to a yr ago and I seemed to be doing better with connecting with people but today it happened again. One friend was over two hours on the phone. I feel like such a bad friend but don't know how to stop since I'm not aware of it til after the fact. A lot of times I'm in front of the computer which distracts me or I find I play Scrabble on my DS if I'm in my bedroom. This doesn't happen as blatently if we are in person tho I do get a touch of the spaciness at times. Just find it hard to focus and feel much like a little kid who just wants to play instead of doing homework.

Why is it so hard to connect with people? And how am I ever going to have a romantic relationship if I continue to do this?!?!?

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew.

[nats]

maybe you didn't actually want to be talking about heavy stuff at those times? unless its a medical thing, usually we all space out for a reason.

[Elizabethn]

Maybe you were triggered, not so much by the details as by the "heaviness" of it?

[Katz Krew]

Hi Nats & Elizabethn,

Thank you both for your insights. These aren't isolated incidents. Been very dissociated lately. Having conversations I don't remember, repeating myself often, not answering questions cause I don't "hear" them. Stuff like that. Am working on it and can stay grounded for a bit depending on the situation but it's a challenge right now.

Thanks for responding.....I much appreciate it.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[The People]

If they keep calling you I doubt if you are failing them. I would not keep calling somebody who gave me sucky advice. Possibly someone is taking over who has more expertice or comfort on the subject. If this is happpening more than usual then maybe it is a new self who has not identified yet. We have that sometimes although not as much as before.

[Katz Krew]

Sorry for the late reply but have been offline for a while.

Thank you People. I appreciate your take on things very much. I am going to mull that over and see how it fits.

I did have a new one identified around the time this started happening. Will search my memory to see if I can figure out the chain of events.

Things have improved a bit but still shaky.

<3
Jamie for Katz Krew

[sharon/treehouse family]

When I have a lot to deal with on my plate its hard for me to foucs on what the other person is saying and try to follow it. I have to tell the friend that I have to much to deal with that I can't focus and I have to let that person go. I have to have low stimulation and quite. If I don't For me I beat myself up as well while questioning am I a good friend what's wrong with me. And it will go on and on till your miserable well that's what happens with me anyways.

When I dissoceate I have the same problem I can't remember at all. Depression for me is the same way my memory sucks. I'm frustrated all the time so I can really relate to how you feel. Please keep us posted . Take care my friend

[Katz Krew]

Hey everyone,

Thanks Tree House! I figured I wasn't alone but it certainly felt like it. Discovered the issue of the dissociation. Am seeing a therapist who specializes in EMDR. In the sessions I felt pushed to feel anger at my mom....so far no good. That caused us to go to "conference" room (to talk with the insiders which is a feat in itself as I've "I" so was hard to see them as separate these days). This led to identifying an unknown who's job is to shut the system down when stressed....basically puts us to sleep. This explained why I've slept alot of my life away. Anyway, discovering her and "waking" her up (with a "bucket of cold water" kinda shock) made her super vigilant and so no sleep....for almost a month. Still have a challenge sleeping but getting better thank goodness. So basically I couldn't deal with alot of these issues and the dissociating kicked in big time. I seem to be over the worst of it but I still have moments.

Thanks for all the support and advice everyone....much appreciated!

<3
Jamie of Katz Krew