lost time in therapy

[bean]

Hi. What do you all think? Is it better to work with a t where you loose time and the t tells you? Or to work with a t where you don't loose time, or if so, she does not tell you? Not sure what to do here. Think I need to speak up and say "tell me what happens when i'm not here". Maybe she does not know when I'm gone or I'm not going gone. Thanks

[Tangled Web]

Hi bean, it is nice to meet you. I think that really depends on you, whether or not you want your T to tell you if you have lost time and if you want to know what went on. There are times my T will ask me if I heard everything that was said and I answer her, depending on what was going on she will ask me if I want to know if I didn't and leaves it up to me. Sometimes the "others" don't want her to say anything and if it isn't at any risk to me she doesn't tell me and that is ok too. Maybe they aren't ready to let me know me things just like I am not ready to hear things yet. So IMO I think it is up to you what you want......
Tangled

[bean]

Hi, it is nice to meet you too. Whether or not I want the T to tell me?I do, I do, I do. If I have lost time I want to know what goes. If the "others" don't want me involved then I think I should be told that. Yes, maybe they aren't ready, but I think it IS up to me. I wish somebody would let me know.

[Tangled Web]

Then if that is what you need and want you should be told. I totally agree that it should be up to you. Communication is very important between everyone, so I think you should tell your T when you lose time if she doesn't know when you are gone and ask her what happened.
I have recently made a plan with my T to leave the last 20minutes of a session just for me to help me process what has happened or talked about. Maybe you can ask your T to help make out a plan that works best for you. That time could be used for filling you in on what has happened during the session if you lose time.....just a suggestion.....
Hope things are going better for you.

[orek]

Hi bean and Tangled Web--This is a good topic. We do something similar to Tangled Web. We leave at least ten minutes at the end of sessions for the upfronters to return and process anything that was discussed by insiders. We get a chance to give reactions, get feedback about what was shared if we weren't fully present or aware, and ask questions of our T if we want her thoughts or are worried about her reactions. Doing this also helps give us time to ground and prepare to leave the office. There are many times when it's very hard to fully get back in the body and/or mind--we can feel very drugged and dazed after insiders push all the way forward to be in T, esp. deeper circle ones.

I admit I would feel a bit hinky about insiders telling our T something and asking her not to tell us. That smacks to us of the whole secrecy and weird alliances of the original tra*ma, but maybe that's just us. Whatever you work out, it's important to communicate both with your T and, if possible, with each other. It's important for you all to know if your T recognizes the switches, etc., and important to your T that she get the feedback and information to help her help you all better. I think it could only help if you bring up your questions and concerns and discuss it all with her.

Good luck, bean! Let us know how it goes, if you want.--orek

[Tangled Web]

Hi Orek. I totally understand what you are saying here about feeling drugged and taking some time to get your feet back on the ground , so to speak and be ready to leave the office. I have felt like that alot lately. Not so good at coming back yet quickly and then leaving so I asked my T for more time. Also I get the secrets thing you said above, for me I know the others know things about my life that I don't know and there are times that I am ok with that and don't particularly want to know yet because of too much going on in my life, so my theory is if I don't ask don't tell me. I found that helps alot with the feelings of being overwhelmed. The "others" have formed a relationship, much closer than I have with the T before I did.....not to say I don't trust her but I was away for a couple years and now being back for a year I am just starting to feel like I have a handle on things again and don't want to lose it.
You have raised some really good points and I agree, this is a great topic.
Hope all is well with yous. Take care
Tangled