Miracle breakthroughs

[Cammy]

My husband also has DID. He has kept his pain deeply buried his entire life. The past few months, however, I could see the pressure of the pain slowly building within him. Yesterday he visited one of the clergy of our church who has had a similar childhood. For two hours my husband allowed the pain to pour out of him for the first time in his life. The strength of our relationship has provided him with an atmosphere of trust, so for the first time he has felt safe to let this out. To me, it is like watching a miracle take place. He came home puffy eyed and exhausted, and for the first time in many months he slept through the entire night. He is still tired today, and I told him that it may take time to process everything that happened, but I am so thrilled that at last he is letting go of some of the poisonous memories.

He also saw a psychologist today, and she too is helping him cope with the memories as they surface - teaching him valuable coping techniques to take these memories and move them from trauma storage into normal memory storage. I believe that one of the big benefits that he is going to experience is weight loss. He spends almost 90 minutes a day on the treadmill and diets, but he'll lose maybe 25 lbs and then it just stops. I know from my reading that a lot of people with deep-seated trauma who also have weight issues cannot lose the weight until the trauma is dealt with. I think he has nothing but great things ahead of him. I told him how proud I was for the courage that it took to take that leap of faith and share his past with a virtual stranger. I believe that he will be well rewarded.

[Cammy]

Update on husband: Well,with the decades of buried trauma starting to be purged, one of my husband's alters has also been making appearances. This alter is not the most pleasant individual, that's for sure. I have learned to simply not respond to this individual in order not to anger him further. When my husband switches to this alter (CT), he has zero memory for what CT does or says. I think he is getting more aware, however, because when I tell him that CT has been out, my husband now is able to identify the situation in which CT appeared. That's progress. Our policy is to let My husband switch back to himself, and then in a few days when stability is assured, I calmly recount what happened while CT was out. I don't want to do this while I am still a bit peeved by CT, so it is vital that I am very clinical and objective when telling my husband all that went on. I also will explain the emotions that I felt at the time, but again, this is done very calmly. I do not want my husband to live in a state of perpetual nervous self-hyper-vigilance every waking second of his life for fear of wounding me. Truth is, I do not take CT seriously nor personally. I have a similar alter in me who was created under precisely the same circumstances and by the same organization as my husband, so I can totally relate. And my similar alter has also been out around my husband, and he too has had to deal with someone who is not pleasant to deal with. He too reacts as I do - he stays calm and does not emotionally react. We have found that this is the best course of action. Anything else has to potential to cause hurt feelings and possibly arguments, which neither of us will tolerate in our household.

Years ago if someone has told me that I was going to be diagnosed as a multiple, I would have told them they were totally crazy. Never in a thousand years did I ever imagine getting married, let alone to another multiple. I can honestly say that the fact that we are both multiples actually works out incredibly well for both of us. We understand each other, we know how not to trigger each other, and we have infinite patience when the other person switches. I'm not certain a mono-mind would be able to understand as well or anticipate the other's needs in the way that we are able. One thing I am certain of: that fact that am am a multiple and have been able to provide my husband for the first time in his life he feels he is safe enough to start letting some of his pain out. This is the most incredible thing to witness. The fact that this took years of trust to accomplish shows me why so many therapists out there say that they've "never seen a case of DID". Of course they haven't - it takes years to build the necessary trust to even start to glimpse into it. By that time the insurance has run out, patience has run out, and so on.

I consider myself extremely fortunate in that I don't have to live as a multiple alone. I am fortunate that I have a wonderful loving husband who has so much patience for my craziness. I am so happy that my decades of experience with DID helps me guide another human being through the confusing maze of multiplicity.

[nats]

you could write a book one day. it would be a great read we've never managed to do the partner thing with or without another multiple. what you're saying makes a lot of sense though.

[Cammy]

nats: The bottom line of any book I could possibly write on the issue would be of the blind leading the blind (LOL). For whatever reason, however, my partnership works extremely well mostly because at the end of the day we love each other very much. This does make all the difference in the world (for us at least).

[nats]

i suspect most of life is about the blind leading the blind

[Cammy]

Especially governments - tee hee.