Trapped

[MLT]

Oh goodness! Our hostess (T) thought it would be a good idea to help me heal old wounds. I didn't want her help, but fine whatever, off we go. Decided to start by getting me to make peace with my/our ex from like 13 years ago. And there it is, wallop, all those emotions I neatly packaged away.

I guess she's realised the error now, now that I'm freaking out because she's living a life I didn't choose, with a husband I didn't choose and a daughter I didn't meet until she was 4. (There was some extended time-loss in there). I'm BPD too and trying to deal with the abandonment of having the love of my life married to someone and having children and wanting nothing to do with me. Feeling so terribly trapped; by circumstance, by my host, by her life.

Lots of tears.

I'm trying to get to know her daughter and her husband. But I feel so out of place. I was away since 2003 with only brief and infrequent escapes. The last 18 months of fitting things back together was hard but I was getting through it, kind of and slowly. And then this hit.

M

[Cammy]

Holy moly MLT . . . this is a BIG BANG in the world of being multiple and I personally don't think this is something that you will be able to work through by yourself. If it were me . . . I would immediately find a T with trauma and D.I.D. experience to help you work through this one.

I totally hope you're going to be okay. Please take special care as this is a hard situation to be in. It may also be that you'll switch back into the person that got this life for you and be okay, but if not, PLEASE see a T if you can.