How's Everyone Doing?

[MakersDozn]

We know that many folks are coming through a difficult time of year, and we commend everyone for doing what they need to do to take care of themselves. And we hope that those who have been struggling are doing better now, or at least on their way to doing better.

While we don't have seasonal triggers any more (the ones that we did have were not the type most often discussed on forums like this), we have been dealing with ongoing struggles that come with major life changes and with simply getting older. (The body gets older; people in our system don't.)

For us getting older on the outside is a mixed blessing: We move forward on our healing journey, and we gain wisdom; at the same time, we gain wisdom from general life experience as well. We would not want to go back to a time before we gained this wisdom, because we know how important this progress and the tools we develop are to our quality of life.

It's hard to not wish we could go back for a "do-over," though. As a survivor, we so often feel that we've been cheated out of the happy life that non-survivors supposedly have. Our T reminds us that nobody's life is devoid of pain; it's just that out of necessity, people become adept at hiding this pain in order to fit into society and navigate daily life.

We want more than this. We want the freedom to be authentic. But we can't change society or human nature; they are what they are. All we can do is do is take care of ourselves as best we can and build a life that has meaning for us.

It's hard. Many days we want to crawl back under the rock that we crawled out from when we opened our eyes that morning. And it's hard to know when to push ourselves and when to go easy on ourselves, when to take a step back and when to stop isolating. We're not struggling as much as we were for so long earlier this year, but we have a long way to go before we get on track the way that we'd like to be.

What have you done to get yourselves through the difficult times safely? And how do you know when you've come out the other end of a difficult time?

MDs

[indilee7]

Thanks for caring about these difficult seasons and how we are coping.

My worst times are December through March. Easter and Halloween have their unique triggers. This year has been very hard with unforeseen circumstances.

I also just had a trauma anniversary in October and did much better than planned. My therapist says I am coping much better with the dissociation. What helps the most is doing lots of self care and using affirmations. Journaling and drawing what parts want to say contributes as well.

This year I am trying hard to make no judgements or shoulds regarding myself and my journey. Perhaps we are stronger but sometimes all this dissociation stuff makes me feel uneasy and unaware of what my future holds. Just hate having to deal with these upcoming months.

indilee

[MakersDozn]

Good for you for taking care of yourself and getting through the difficult times. We understand about unforeseen circumstances, having recently gone through some of our own.

We're glad you're here. And we hope that having this community as a resource will make your journey a more positive one.

Mary, Allegra, and others

[The People]

We never realized how grounding the kitties were for us until this year. But we did get through the year. And some old friends are back in town. They go away sometimes and I pet sit. Two especially loves the kitty and makes up songs for her. They are not half bad given her age.

We have set some goals for ourselves re volunteering, and joining a gym. And we are going away for a few days at the end of the month. Purely social.

[nats]

tired!!! home again after a few days at a conference and another next week - enjoy them more when they're spread out...

[Cammy]

I always find that those occasions and holidays when people are all 'happy, happy, joy, joy' are the toughest for me to endure. I resent the fact that so many others seem to be able to enjoy things that I do not. That makes me hate the holiday and to hate the happy people. That is not fair, but it is the way I have always felt. As I get older, however, I seem to be focusing less on what makes me unhappy, and more on what makes me happy. I tend to ignore those times of the year that are personally triggering, and just try to do things that I like to do. I've slowly discovered that even though I am 'different' I too can create my own 'happy happy' moments, and thus do not need to resent others. I know that my ways of being happy or joyful will never be the same as what makes the majority of people happy, but nowadays this distinction is more pleasing to me than it ever used to be. The fact that I am different has become a private source of satisfaction, and these seasonal triggers are slowly diminishing as I find a deeper appreciation and acceptance for myself just the way I am.

[nats]

that's really positive Igraine

[Tangled Web]

We have kinda fell down into this deep hole.........been trying to get out but not having a hell of alot success. We are so confused as to how we even got here in the first place. Not a lot things making sense lately........
Laura

[MakersDozn]

We're sorry, Laura and all. We hope you feel better soon. We're keeping you in our thoughts.

MDs

[Farris Lee]

I'm Cricket (one of our rules is that we always have to state who is out).
We're not doing too well lately. Our doctor hasn't prescribed a couple of our meds for a few days and it's really affecting us now.
On top of that, we have a few family members coming for Thanksgiving.
Right now, with peace and quiet, I'm barely holding on. I don't know what's going to happen with a houseful of people. I'm afraid if losing it in front of everybody and ruining their holiday. I'm also afraid I'll have to go to the hospital. I've been on the Xanax for 24 years now, the percsription pain meds for 15 years and the Celexa for 8.
I don't know what to do. When he forgot my lamictal and blood pressure meds a few months ago and I called his office, his nurse gets really angry and yells at us. She told us not to bother them. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid everything is going to fall apart and the withdraws are making me feel so sick and confused. The nurse said to think of it as a drug holiday and that it's good for our body, but I don't think it is because it doesn't feel very good.
I don't know what to do and I'm scared.

[Cammy]

Farris Lee:
   I am mortified at the flippant attitude of the nurse calling this a medication holiday. Xanax is not a drug that should ever be suddenly stopped, but needs to be carefully tapered. To suddenly cut you off is not medically sound at at all. I have been through all of this a few years ago with Lorazepam, which is a benzo just like Xanax. The psychiatrist tapered me off over a period of 13 months!  Drug holiday indeed...more like a drug nightmare. I am very sorry for your predicament and I hope you can get through this all without 'losing it'. One thing that has been helpful to me in the past was simply to do some Mindful Meditation. It didn't cure anything, but it did keep me calm enough to deal with the situation at hand. If your doctor continues to be this insensitive to your medication needs, perhaps, if you are able, it might be time to find someone who is a bit more empathetic. Cutting patients off is never recommended, and I find it a very callous thing for a doctor to do. Know that our thoughts are with you, and that this community is here for you - a community that understands. In the meantime, hold on tight and try to get through this as best as you can. If there are things that you do that you know help, then by all means do them. We all have our own little tool kits of special ways to help us cope, so I guess this is a good time to get them out. Sending you protective vibes.

Igraine

[rainbows]

Hello MDs...
Thank you for asking.
We feel very Lonely and Alone.
We have no one on this Earth.
We escape into books when Holidays come. There is Safety and Comfort escaping
into other Worlds that exist only in books.
We are Grateful for books.
Thank You.
from rainbows

[The People]

Farris Lee does your doctor speak to you in the same way as the nurse? Either way I recommend you speak with your doctor about it. And if he feels the same way I would ask him why. It is everyone's job to remember med refills. You as well as the doctor. But when he knows you have memory issues the onus is on him when you need to call.