How does one keep believing

[The People]

This is more a rant than an expectation of or desire for an answer. But how does one keep believing? Two argues with God every night. A friend who has a good heart but not.. our way of thinking promises better things in the here after but that is not what we need to hear or even sure that we believe, We are told that if we talk to God things will get better. For 53 years we have tried that. Nothing.

A friend has had a year that would have a weaker person on major drugs. She just rolls with the flow on the outside but inside her body berates her. She is off on a long trip due to yet more family issues. She believes in God. She is a much better person than I am. But things keep happening to her and her family.

I don't get it. I don't get how I am supposed to believe.

Then I berate myself. They say you have to believe for things to happen. For God to listen. Maybe bad things happen because I don't believe. Maybe my friend has her doubts because of what her mother went through before she died.

Nobody has answers. Including God.

[MakersDozn]

***Chr references, particularly RC.***

The People,

I wish I knew.

For many years I was a strong Chr; in fact, I tried to lead the Chrs of our system by example. I was the one who spearheaded our becoming RC in 1989, although a number of others inside were against it but deferred to me because I wanted it so much.

[Note to others: We were raised in a non-religious Jewish home.--Allegra]

The other Chrs in our system (20 or 21 of them--I can't remember) consider themselves non-denominational and base their beliefs on Scripture. Their relationship with God is personal. Mine never has been. I was drawn to RC in particular because of the r*t**ls more than anything else. Looking back, my "faith" was based on mythos, and my relationship with God was nonexistent, a peripheral consideration that I chose to ignore.

During the past five years or so, for better or for worse, I have come much closer to understanding who I really am, as opposed to the ideal "me" that I created in my mind as a form of self-protection. The "me" that I created was in some ways modeled on the Virgin Mary--kind, meek, nurturing, perfect.

But as we've moved forward in our healing, I've had to face the fact that I am not like this and never will be. I am fearful and anxious and needy; I am terrible at dealing with anger, be it others' anger or my own; I have made some terrible decisions during our life that have cost us dearly, and I have behaved inappropriately toward members of our own system. I find it hard enough to forgive myself; what kind of God would forgive me?

I am also a lesbian. No one else in our system is homosexual, with the possible exception of Aurora13, and she has served mainly as a conduit for my excessive sadness, so I suspect that she may have taken this on for the same reason. I find it hard to believe in a masculine God who sent a masculine prophet. The Judeo-Chr tradition states that God is ultimately neither male or female, but the fact is that we live in a patriarchal society that defaults to male pronouns, and this bothers me.

I've rambled. I needed to say these things. I hope people here understand.

Take care,

Charity

[angel with wings]

the male figure you refer to, is because God created Adam first, as a care taker and the husband and provider for Eve. men are to do this, to be the worker, the provider, the care takers, the protectors. the women are supposed to be the helpers of their husbands, the care takers of the home and the children. that is why you see the system you do in the Bible.
its why its a "mans world", they are the ones to do the hard labor, to provide a living for his family. its the way its been since the beginning of time. now today, we seem to be offended that men were designed to care for us.

i do understand that men also hurt us. (me too). but we still love our husband and so happy he is willing to care for us and be that provider and protector that he was designed to be.

[The People]

IMO this comes close to telling people what they believe and why it does or doesn't fit in this world. I know you were talking with MD but if you go back and check the directives this is a place we can come to talk about our own problems with faith. or whatever we need to do. A place where we need to be very cautious about discussing the posts of others. No 2 people here share the exact same faith. and I am not talking about church you belong to. faith is very personal. and a very touchy subject with many of us.

[MakersDozn]

angel with wings, it's great that you're trying to offer support, as you did in the final paragraph of your post.

However, as The People mentioned, it's important to remember that this community has a diverse spectrum of beliefs. Members speak from their own experience as it applies to them. Occasionally a member may ask the community for an explanation of a specific concept or belief, but the overall purpose of the board is to share support.

Mary and Allegra (for MDs acting as admin)

[angel with wings]

Sorry, just trying to explain. I'll keep quiet.

[MakersDozn]

No need to keep quiet. We know that your intent was to be helpful. But it's a good idea to be mindful of whether a person posting is asking for support or asking for information.

MDs (handing you a blue friendship flower, if you would like it)

[Twin Volition]

"If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness." - carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner

This pretty much sums up how I feel about gods.

- Aria

[nats]

hi Charity,
interesting post and don't feel we have anything worthwhile to add, but had a tangential question on judeo-chris tradition that God is neither male nor female. is it really, had no idea! do you know where that comes from?

[MakersDozn]

Hi nats,

About God being neither male nor female....it should be in the Bible somewhere, but unfortunately we don't know it well enough to answer. For us personally it doesn't matter what specific Scripture it came from. The fact that it's an established tenet is enough for us to take it as we will, either individually or collectively.

Thanks for posting. We appreciate it.

Various MDs

[Cammy]

This is a tough question and one I have had to struggle with over a lifetime during my spiritual walk. I finally found that for me to get closer to my deity, I needed to get closer to Him. He was always there, but I wasn't reaching out to meet Him. Once I realized this, everything changed for me. I firmly believe, however, that each individual has to find their own special path and their own way to connect. Please never give up trying. Once you find your footing, the path gets easier to discern.

[MakersDozn]

Hi, Igraine. Welcome back, and thank you for posting.

Not much has changed for me spiritually since my last post in this thread. I want to have hope, and I want something that I can believe in and trust. I want to be able to trust myself as well.

I'm not there yet. But I'm trying.

Charity

[Cammy]

(07-30-2015, 12:07 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: Hi, Igraine.  Welcome back, and thank you for posting.

Not much has changed for me spiritually since my last post in this thread.  I want to have hope, and I want something that I can believe in and trust.  I want to be able to trust myself as well.

I'm not there yet.  But I'm trying.

Charity

All you can do is try. When hope is all but lost, sometimes out of the blue HOPE finds you. Wishing you peace, warmth, and comfort on your journey.

[rainbows]

Hi,
Just writing about what works for us....

We have pain every day. Can't stop it. Don't know how.
For yrs we kept asking God WHY ? WHY ? Why would He let persons do this to us !?
If He Loves us, HOW COULD HE DO NOTHING !? ( We were very upset a lot of the time. and in Despair )


Well, I began fighting with Scripture verses - " ...the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God..."
and also we put on Praise and Worship songs and began to Praise and Worship with them.

Now, even tho we are still attacked and made to suffer terrible pain every day, we actually SMILED with Joy this morning
while we were being tortured.
I Know.... we cannot hardly believe it either.

We would never have thot this could be possible.

Still feel Lonely in this and still sometimes fall into Despair, but we know what helps us and so that is what we do when we can.

We agree it is a very Personal Individual Journey.

And we are Grateful for MM. We been gone a long time and it feels like coming home.

Thank You.
from rainbows

[MakersDozn]

Thank you for posting, rainbows. I'm glad that you're able to find a source of joy even among your pain.

Charity