Struggling

[orek]

(08-25-2014, 12:10 PM)MakersDozn Wrote: She says that we don't have to accept the unacceptable, but we do need to stay grounded so that our past doesn't prevent us from functioning in the present.

Staying grounded is the most difficult thing. I want to run and hide and never come out again. I want to not be overwhelmed by the pain all the time. I want to not be neck-deep in anger, but somehow it feels like the anger is the only thing that can protect me.

I love that response of hers! I like the part that we don't have to "accept the unacceptable." Damn right it's unacceptable what happened to all of us here! But I also get how hard it is to ground and the desire to be PAST it all already. I think grounding in the present helps us do that, though. Our old T always said that we'll never totally "get over" what happened to us, but we'll get to the point where it's in the background and not driving us in the present.....paraphrased. She said it much better. But being overwhelmed in the present doesn't get us through those feelings. So grounding is helpful. I guess we all have to find ways to do that--as well as release some of that anger in a healthy way. I like the clay idea. I think we'll try that!

One more thing: I'm glad she's available for you all. And it sounds as if you have done a great job of taking care of yourselves and feeling out her availability as well as seeking out other options. I think it's important to note that your worry about intruding is a healthy sign of boundary awareness. Some clients don't have that at all and don't see their Ts as people with lives outside therapy, or even with other clients. Not that we have to worry about or take care of that for them, but negotiating with our Ts to assert our needs while also respecting theirs is a very healthy thing. It's up to our Ts to know their own boundaries and assert/protect them, basically negotiate in good faith. (I had a counselor in the past who gave beyond her means then turned on her clients in resentment. Her issues, not ours.) But if you didn't worry about intruding, you wouldn't be the empathetic MDs we experience you all to be. And if you trust your T to protect her own boundaries (and since you've worked with her a long time, I assume you can), then you can believe her when she says it's okay to call when you need. Yay!