New T age issue

[orek]

(09-14-2014, 07:58 PM)The People Wrote: I recommend that you give it some time. We had Ts almost 20 years younger than we are and they worked out fine. It is actually easier for the littles to relate to them. I am the opposite of you in that I don't think I would be comfortable with someone older. Focus on her style and skills rather than her age is my suggestion. Do you like her? What is it about her age that threatens you? It is her commitment that is an issue.

Thanks, all, for the feedback. It helps just to "get it out there."

The People, I'm glad to read that it has worked for you to have much younger Ts and is even preferable to you. I definitely will give it time. I'm not entirely sure why I have an issue with it at all. The closest I can get is that it feels to me as if it goes against the "natural order" of things where the older mentors the younger. For example, I look up to one of my brothers who's only 3 years older, and he's protective of me as his younger sister--even though as adults 3 years is virtually no difference at all. I'm 7 years older than this T, and somehow I feel "silly"--for the lack of a better word--being so vulnerable in front of her.

Also, I know a lot of my transference work is that lifelong hunt for that "good" mother who sees and cares. That transference worked well for us with the last T and helped heal, or start to heal, some deep wounds. It was very "corrective"--within the proper boundaries of the therapy relationship, of course. So maybe I won't need to experience that with this new T. Or, since she's older than the kids, teens, and younger adults, then she can maybe provide that healing transference for them. I don't know.

Again, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I keep trying to put my finger on it so that I can understand the struggle more clearly and still haven't succeeded. It does sound from some of the replies as if we're not alone in that, but as nats says, we are getting older and the care providers getting younger. All the Ts I contacted who were older didn't pan out for one reason or another--didn't take my insurance, not taking new clients, etc. So I'll need to come to terms with this one way or another. She is good with kids and has a long history of working with external kids and teens, so that's a big plus. She works with neurological/body stuff, how trauma is held and stored, and that's something I wanted in my next T. So I do need to give it a try.

Sorry this is so long, and thanks for reading and for your replies.--orek