needing some information

[orek]

(08-22-2014, 04:29 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: It frustrates me also not to have clarity. I like it when my mind is clear and my thoughts make sense. I can do something with that, this what is happening now just makes things a mess. URG!

I am not sure how I feel about integration. I thought that was what happening but it wasn't (I don't think)and I must admit I was glad. I was very panicked.
I am not sure if I explain it.........
I have been working with T and it was decided in order to heal she needed to hear the others stories and have them express their feelings. Well I hit a wall. A total disconnection. And instead of banging my head against that wall, I decided to try to help the person with our body name. Her and I usually work pretty well together and she was someone who I actually have access to. So I was sharing space with her. That space started to blend and it felt like I stepped into her. What comes to my mind as trying to describe it is a scene from the movie Ghost. When Patrick Swayze stepped into Whoopie Goldberg, only thing it was like it was other way around for me. The space I shared with our body's name blurred and became one and I saw and felt a lot. Too much actually..............And now I find some how her thoughts can invade mine and confuses me because they feel like my thoughts.
Also like I said I don't normally have feelings. Well I have twinges of feelings.....well I am not sure that is entirely sure either. Well lets just say I don't cry. I don't feel the whole emotion and one day a tear fell out of my eyes. It freaked me out. Feelings are messy to me and confuse things and don't make sense to me. So that is what happened, and I am curious if anyone else has ever experienced something like this?


Emma

Hi, Emma--That does sound confusing, and no doubt it's no fun. However, maybe if you think of it as sharing the burden of those feelings and thoughts, or something along those line, then it wouldn't feel as invasive. I think this is probably a good, healthy step. After all, integration or no, the way to heal is for the barriers between insiders and between insiders/upfronters (as we call the blend that presents to the world) to come down and for everyone to get to know each other and each other's stories, history, support each other, share the memories and pain, etc. You were kind to reach out to help her, so maybe she trusts you enough now to share these things and not struggle with them alone. Whatever the case may be for you all, I'm sorry it's so confusing and hard. You do sound as if you are working hard and doing exactly what you need to do. I'm glad you have good T support (from the sound of it, I could be wrong). Take care.--orek