Struggling

[The People]

My two cents. First of all MD, congratulations on coming up wit a plan B and following through on it. You deserve an extra Snapple for that. Second, when I am angry words don't always work. So we often haul out other tools like crayons or whatever else we have around. Baths help us although not everybody. We have even napped in our shallow tub (one cannot drown in a bath tub as we just would wake up should we sink down)

Years ago we took modelling clay. Not play doh but the old hard to work with kind. The first thing was kneeding. Supposed to help but got boring quickly. So we started creating little models of things. Each thing, a cup, a crib board, whatever else was there, represented a person we held anger toward. This was unplanned. It just came to us as we were working with the red clay. If this doesn't work for you perhaps find something that does. Use your creative brain. Often where the best ideas come from. Something else we do is keep a running letter to T. You could email her and she might be able to answer sometimes or you could keep a letter running and give it to her when she is back in her office. One last thought that just came to me. I know you don't like to be around people a lot, especially at times like his. Perhaps you could drive your car to a more rural place. Near a lake where you could walk and throw rocks in the lake... whatever works for you. Kids are in school now in NY (?) so there won't be a lot of family gatherings etc. Timing seems to suck for us too re bad times and T being away. Obviously this is not about T being gone as it was already there. But for me when it happens it still feels wounding. Assure your littles that it is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong Above all, lok after yourself.