Struggling

[MakersDozn]

Thank you both.

mosaic....thanks for the offer. We understand your concern about posting personal information in a public forum. We always have the option to email.

nats....it's just overload. What seems like an eternity of living in flashback mode, continually being bombarded by a lifetime of unresolved emotions from the past. It's a consequence of all the work that we've been doing in T. At some point we unearth the root of it all, and the root is ugly. And very difficult to process.

We spoke with our T on the phone for about 15 minutes this morning. She was home on a break from hospital visits, but she was expecting family to arrive at the house shortly and needed to make sure that the phone call and the visitors wouldn't overlap. So she said that she would call us back later this afternoon.

It's hard to believe that we're not imposing, that we're not a burden. But she was very firm in stating that we aren't, and that we can call her at any time if we need to. Even if she isn't able to talk at length. The insistent tone of her voice was enough to convince me, but it's hard not to be overwhelmed by old messages.

We tell her we just want to come to terms with our past and accept it so that we can heal. She says that we don't have to accept the unacceptable, but we do need to stay grounded so that our past doesn't prevent us from functioning in the present. I have mixed feelings about this.

Staying grounded is the most difficult thing. I want to run and hide and never come out again. I want to not be overwhelmed by the pain all the time. I want to not be neck-deep in anger, but somehow it feels like the anger is the only thing that can protect me.

But I will try. Right now I try only because our T says that I need to try.

Charity