Internal Communication (or Lack Thereof)

[MakersDozn]

(We posted this on our blog today.)

Well, this is the longest we've gone between blog posts. So much for consistency. Feh.

Not that I'm trying to be a responsible person; I've spent my entire existence avoiding responsibility and b*tching about how minors shouldn't have to act like bigs. But that doesn't mean that I don't want the system (i.e. the bigs, in their official capacity) to be responsible.

The weather has been better. The hot flashes and the other menopausal crap have been less frequent and less extreme. So you think it would be easier for us (system) to keep up with things at a decent functioning level. Nope. There's been less communication between those of us at the front and those of us farther away from the front. There's been a constant undercurrent of agitation. Mary's been AWOL for at least two weeks, and Charity's stayed inside for about a week or so. And there's been an ongoing indulgence in unhealthy behavior (no SI; we don't do that), which means that there are issues that people inside are avoiding.

To her credit, Rachel has been out at times, but she's still Rachel, which means she's only coming out in certain situations, and she's only reacting to those situations, not taking charge at all. I suppose that I should be grateful that any of the bigs are around, but I'm not big on gratitude. Gratitude, to me, equals a debt to other people, which in turn equals giving away my power to them. Ain't gonna happen.

But back to Rachel. In the overall scheme of things, we identify as siblings. This doesn't mean that we get along. In fact, I couldn't tell you what she really thinks about me, beyond the fact that I, like anyone else in the system, don't measure up to her standards. The feeling is mutual. If I really want to p*ss her off, I tell her that she's just like our maternal grandmother, who hopefully is rotting somewhere without an electric fan.

So I don't pressure Rachel to take charge the same way that I would pressure Charity or even Mary, because I see Charity and Mary as nurturers and Rachel as more of a porcupine. Allegra's telling me that I should be more consistent in my expectations. Maybe so. I'd like to see Rachel out front without getting her quills up, even for the entertainment value.

And I hope we can talk about this in T this coming week. I know there are times when it's okay to talk about stupid sh*t like a lack of organic apples, but it would be nice to actually resolve something that's important over the long haul. And it would be more than nice if the people who are supposed to be responsible would be responsible.

Laura and others