therapy

[Tangled Web]

We have been stuck for awhile now and our T has been trying hard to help but we still haven't been getting anywhere. The thing with us is that we know or I know the things we do to avoid things. I understand they are our defenses kicking in. The problem is that we don't know how to stop that from happening. So T has been talking with us wanting to know how she can help us. The problem with that is that we don't tell people how we work or what we need. To us that is giving them way too much power to hurt us and get to us. We don't let people get to know us. People normally only see what we let them see and over time we have gotten really good at it. It works at keeping things hidden. So this debate goes on inside our head should we or shouldn't we. I know that if I am to do this work she will need to know. But if she knows then we will have to do the work. And that is terrifying.
So after talking with our T about this a few times and her asking very specific questions and she seems to really want to know, I did it. I sent it through emails. I decided to let her get to know me and the things we do. It feels like I just handed over the keys to our castle.........well not the whole castle but at least to the front door. And there has been huge anxiety from that that hits me in waves at times. I guess now all there is to do is wait and see how this plays out. She did respond and said it was very helpful.......I just hope I did the right thing.
TW