melt down

[Tangled Web]

Well yesterday was an awful day. We had a big meltdown. Just not handling things as well lately. I thought my head was actually going to explode off my shoulders. My son came over for the night. He is going to be moving into his own place with supports in place. It is called community living. When he turned 18 last year I was given some money in trust for him to be used to help him set himself up into a apartment. Well he demanded I give him 300 dollars out of that money so he could go and buy weed. Of course I said no and he wants to have this huge party at his new place when he moves. So he completely loses on it me because I say no. We argue and then I get really angry again. You mix that anger with the anger that was already there from the sh*t going on with the mother............things got crazy. I don't understand why it always has to be so hard to do the right thing. That is how it feels. I almost gave him all the money and just said f*ck it but I didn't. I felt like I was revolving door and people were flying out all over all the place. I couldn't stop it. Complete loss off control. I would find myself sobbing or screaming and pacing or shaking. Words were flying out so fast........ He wouldn't leave me alone. I would close my door to my bedroom and stay in there so I could get it together and he would keep coming in my room. I couldn't get control, I couldn't shut down. My son thought I completely lost my mind also. He told me he thought I was going crazy. It has never happened this bad around my son. Usually I can keep it somewhat together or if I start to lose it I can get control of it somehow. Not yesterday.......

Today is a new day I feel so tired. I have completely shut down now. It just didn't come soon enough yesterday. Man things are such a mess. Thanks for listening.