messed up

[Tangled Web]

another piece of this in regards to forgiveness...........have no idea if this is right place to put this but because it fits with the above message or was a continuation from the top message and circumstances I decided to put it here............

when someone does something like this we close the door and lock it and never look back. we have gotten to the place where we can just close off certain parts of things and still have contact with the person but this forgiveness piece that you talk about doesn't happen in our world and we have a strong urge to make them pay for their mistake and only after we feel that they have paid enough are we able to move on.........and I know that isn't the right way to do things so I shut that down and end up saying nothing and that is why we usually end up walking away
and in order to make a person pay for their mistakes they have to hurt twice as bad as we do
now like I said we don't do that anymore but that is the only way we know how to move on from it
I learned well from the mother
but even after 20 years I still haven't learned to move on from it……We have no idea what forgiveness is or what it even looks like..........all that ever happens is that it is avoided at all cost
because I don't want to hurt people anymore...............but if you don't hurt them then how will they ever learn from their mistakes so they will never do it again
OMG WOW YIKES
I realized now we have now gotten into the lessons I learned as a child
the only way to teach us anything as we were growing up was to hit us or hurt us..........my mother would tell our dad to hit us because that was the only way we were going to learn and it was a very effective way in teaching us things. She would hurt us in order to teach us things which was also a very effective way to learn things so it got to the point that every time we felt any kind of pain, we were looking for the lesson in it that we had to learn. That is how we think people are supposed to learn from their mistakes, whether it is right or wrong makes no difference.
and we know that if they are hurt are enough they will in fact think twice about doing it again
so forgiveness was NEVER option
pay back was and pay back was always a b*tch
and to be expected
now makes complete sense to us
that is ALL I know I don’t know any other way.
How is anyone ever supposed to teach us that…….teach us another way to look at it or another way to do it? That seems down right impossible!
Kathy