(03-23-2014, 12:21 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: Wanted to add another thought regarding lies. I remember the first time my T asked me if my parents ever lied to me and I looked at her in disbelief. I was shocked those words even came out of her mouth and then when she told me they lied I thought I was going to fall on the floor. It is the child- like thinking that gets me. I even told her it was a good thing they weren't around to hear her say that because she might not have any teeth left. I on the other hand have been told my whole entire life I was liar and I was unable at that time to see my parents as liars. It just didn't make sense to me, nothing did when I tried to see them as that. Once I started looking at trying to see my parents as lying to us, things started to crumble for me inside and nothing made sense anymore. The place I always go to when this comes up is by asking myself well if that is true then what does that say about this........or what does it mean then about that..........? Those are hard truths to swallow for us. I can however say my parents lied to me now. I just don't know exactly which ones are lies and which ones are the truth..........that is where we struggle in distinguishing the difference. My T can tell me that what they said was a lie but how do I know she isn't lying to me also? Just because she is a T doesn't necessarily make her right. But now we are getting into the trust issues we have so I think we will stop here. Thanks for having this discussion with me, I think it is a very good discussion to have.
Hi, Tangled. It's an excellent discussion. Yes, I see the trust issue.
In many ways I'm not very verbal. My best work is non-verbal. I find that words often change what is meant and can get in the way when trying to communicate with self. I trust myself. I know enough to question and to listen to people with different experiences. Anyone can be fooled some of the time.
I don't remember very much of what my parents said. They constantly argued about who was right, which I think is idiotic. Who was lying, who wasn't lying. I would retire to my room and stay under radar. I remember one lie my mother said to me. She denied ab*s*ng me, and she had just done it. She said that was impossible, and it's possible she blamed me. She had this look on her face I'd never seen before, and I don't know where her head was at. I ended the conversation and got away from her. I think I was 8-10 years old. Emotionally, my parents were barely competent, IMO. I learned not to trust them.
But, if I have trust someone over a long period of time, and all of a sudden (even if I understand the mitigating circumstances involved) that changes, I am very much affected. That didn't apply to conversations with parents. I never felt supported by them, so what difference did it make what they said. That might sound rather matter-of-fact to you, but it's how I felt. I withdrew from their arena.
take good care,
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