crying........

[Tangled Web]

Thanks guys for your support. I am starting to get over the "shock" for lack of a better word and come out the other side of this. My T told us we were being triggered along with a bunch of other stuff. Which I guess I can see that now.
As I have tried to sift through the session and fit the pieces together I realized it was a very loaded session where a lot was said on both parts.
I have also gotten a better understanding on how having the others inside of me "works".
A trigger that for me that I didn't know I had........Squeaky floors.......I have a spot in my apartment where the floor squeaks. I stepped on that spot and froze and a flood of things came into my head. I got control of things then and just stuffed it back down. I tried telling my T about squeaky floors. And I was telling her how when I was smaller you needed to know where the spots on the floor that made sound so you wouldn't get caught sneaking into the kitchen for some food. As I was telling her this she asked me then what would happen and I looked at her and said well nothing.......that is it. I accidently stepped on the floor board and I heard the foot steps banging towards the kitchen and then nothing.......So that is when someone else had taken over. That is where my memory ends and someone else's begins. Fear seems to be my trigger......when you feel a certain amount of fear.......someone else comes out and takes over.
My T told me that my mother was the female version of Hitler (in her opinion)......

Now that I am coming out the other side of this....I realized that maybe what happened was a good thing. I am trying to give myself permission to feel good about it which goes against every rational thought I have. How can you possibly feel good about something that was so awful. Crying like that was awful....feeling like that was awful........going through that in front of someone was horrible......so how can you possibly feel good about that? ...........but maybe it was good......Do you understand?
I think this might have been a very huge breakthrough for me..............
I don't know yet but things are definitely different now.