Msgs from T and PDoc

[The People]

I know people here will understand because we have talked about it here before. Yesterday we had a bad pdoc day. I don't even remember how it started as we switched part way through. She was talking about how we couldn't expect people to understand us and when we pushed to try to make it happen people backed off and we pushed friends away. Wasn't that f*ck*ng nice?

And last week Young Catherine was out in T and while it is hard to remember it there was stuff about finding new connections but that people couldn't help that they are intimidated that we understand more about stuff than they do because we lived it. So nobody wants to talk about it.

I don't want to hang around with people who talk about their issues all the time and nothing else. "I am on this med this week and now my doctor thinks I am borderline and I just wish I had a boyfriend and does anybody have a smoke?" I have been around that kind and someone ends up caretaking and then run away when I get overwhelmed. So I don't want to be that person. But if I was to join some sort of support group that is what I would end up with.

But is it too much to ask that I want someone in 3D who understands? Who knows that I try so hard to be normal and sometimes I slip? I don't want a f*ck*ng marriage or live in. A 'friend' flipped out at me because I brushed off the fact that she had allergies.' I didn't brush off. I was in bad space and the info bounced off me.

I feel like these 2 women sandwiched me in the last week. One on each side they... I don't know. But what is the point in trying to do normal or pretend normal, go out and get involved when I am just like a puppet? because puppet is all I know how to do and still be in public.