Hope vs. Trust?

[MakersDozn]

Hi, TW,

Tangled Web Wrote:before I got married (now divorced) we used to be a person who always tried to see the good in people. We were a giver.......if we had it to give. We had HOPE in humankind that everyone wasn't bad or evil. Xmas was our favourite time of the year and we would get so excited in trying to find that perfect gift for someone, you know the one gift that when they opened it up, they would light up like a xmas tree.

Yes. I was like that with our theater friends, the people we spent most of our time with in our twenties. It was customary to exchange small gifts on opening night or closing night. It meant a great deal to me to give these gifts, even a flower, to the people who meant something to me.

Looking back, I believe that on some level I was trying to buy their approval. It's not that I wasn't being sincere in giving to them for giving's sake, but I did expect something in return. Emotional security for me, and the chance to be important in their lives, valued by them.

Tangled Web Wrote:[...]After I got married my ex-husband changed all of that. He was more worried about the cost and the money wasted on other people[...]I tried so hard to hold onto that for myself but I lost it. Everything was about the price tag and money. Even at the grocery store one time while we were waiting to check out, this mother with a baby in arms that was screaming was short 3 dollars [...] I pulled out a 5 dollar bill and gave it the lady and my ex flipped out on me. I knew it was the right thing to do but it was situations like that where I lost my hope.

Our grandmother (our mother's mother) was like that. It really hurt our mother and, after our parents married, it hurt our father as well. Our grandmother tried to run their lives, especially early on. Even though we were very, very young at the time, we absorbed the emotional current, and it's hurt us badly. There are those inside who have tremendous anger because of this. The anger scares me, and it wears all of us out.

Tangled Web Wrote:[...]It has been a few years now since I have left him, and I am still NOT the person I used to be before him. When you lose that hope it is so hard to get back. So NO I don't think you are hurting the others or yourself and I don't think you are naïve either. I believe you would hurting yourself and the others if you lost that hope.

Thank you for saying this. It means a great deal to me. And thank you for taking the time to share about your experience.

Take care,

Charity