new developement

[tweeter]

Hi Emma,
When I first read your post, I was unsure where I had been heading. A couple of weeks ago, I was just finishing a long answer, when my computer burped and I lost the whole thing. Just as well because I was following the thoughts and feelings to a new observation, and conclusion. I'm ready with the distilled version.

"And had this thought, maybe-and this is just a thought-you should measure your strength on how strong your heart is not on how strong your protection around your heart is."

It was in the last couple of weeks that I have come to a clear conclusion that defensiveness gets in the way of self-assertion and self-defense. Maybe fear or insecurity (doubts re ability to defend self) are expressed in a defensive way, which might be perceived as self-defense by the self. It is, if considered from that point of view, but nope.

I was unsettled, fortunately, by your talk of walls. I figured that out over time. The concept of a walled defense is an old one, but I had not looked beyond the surface of mine. I am, by nature an openhearted person. The emotional area surrounding my heart was an open book. What I did was retreat within, and there was a wall of defensiveness around me like a sheer curtain, to me. In truth, there was no defense at all.

A healthy heart. I had a glimpse of that about 3 years ago, because I felt it stir in myself. Shall we say I'm a work in progress.

Sorry for the delay,
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