Questions about tears

[The People]

I am trying to arrange a wedding surprise for a woman I really respect. It will take some work and some help if it does come to fruition. But it will make her happy. However, when I imagine it unfolding I get tears uin my eyes. It makes me want to put it aside but step one has already been taken. It may not happen but...

This often happens. They are not tears of happiness or tears of... I am not jealous of this woman's happiness. A bit envious maybe but her path is not and never will be mine. And the tears are not a first. I just don't know how to explain them I hate them and often avoid doing things because of them. As someone who never used to cry perhaps it is excessive leakage from too much build up. Share?