(08-05-2013, 10:44 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: And it isn't that I don't want to talk about this stuff.............well I guess a part me doesn't, but I want to heal and if I need to talk about it that is what I want to do, I just don't know how. Even as I type that last sentence it sounds so stupid me, what do you mean you don't know how to talk, you just open your mouth and start talking. Well I open my mouth and nothing comes out. My mind goes blank and I have absolutely nothing to say. It might be a defensive thing that is happening but I don't know how to get around it. I don't know how to get control over it. I don't know what is even behind it. And I don't know what to do to fix it.
TW
I've been following this thread with interest for a number of reasons. I was waiting for you to supply your own answer, or partial answer, which you did. It can take time. ".....well I guess a part me doesn't,"
Bingo. First, someone doesn't want to speak, maybe can't, but is willing to write. Second thing that comes to mind is whether there are certain words, in the context of a T situation, which cannot be spoken, but can be written, or gotten around more easily in a letter format?
An important question is whether only one mode of writing is allowed. Like I write you a letter and you write me a letter, or is instant messaging back and forth okay? These are very different kinds of communication, especially, in terms of immediacy, but both written.
Next. Is there a significant difference (complexity of expression, connection to and expression of feelings, the abstract, etc.) between your written and spoken ways?
Next. Can you find yourself wandering in a maze of feelings, thoughts and associations, which scatter and then come together in one conclusive sentence, or even one word different upon repetition of a given subject matter? I'm talking about ways of thinking specifically when going below the surface of consciousness (my personal interest). The communication inside (for a singleton as well) is not the same. You might require the proverbial bread crumb trail to connect the dots, and might forget how everything fits together if there is no physical documentation to work with. Even then, the connections can become fuzzy, which I regard as normal, but the conclusion is clear, though even that can diffuse into what you will come to regard as normalcy for you, or be lost if you don't claim it. Yes, I am describing part of my life experience, in which one of my interests is to examining my deepest motivations and wishes, along with the outside influences on them. All of this to make right decisions, and to understand my mistakes (because they will be most certainly repeated if I can't connect with Me, and separate that from what has been expected of me........).
But, I digress. I am not a T. Nor have I been in T. So, I ain't no expert. But, I know some things via my own very hard work, especially over the past 8 or so years. I know that thinking, feeling, talking and writing can give different sounding results for a number of reasons, not the least of which is differences in ability to express, or even access itself.
I am hoping what I've written has helped. I also feel that if you can find a way to articulate why you are reacting as you are, maybe an evolving solution can be found, rather than an all-or-nothing demand. For instance is there a way that letters can be used separately, and some agreed upon subjects brought into the spoken world? Maybe T can give short replies, in writing, and spoken in the same way, during a session. Then maybe a quiet time. Do you doodle or draw....., maybe including 1-5 written words. Then, go to a different topic that can be discussed. I mean, work with it.
Indeed, sometimes a completely direct approach is impossible. I don't mean that sneaky means replace that. Not at all! I'm trying to remember an example. It might have to do with looking at star formations in the sky. Okay, let's say it is. If one looks directly, one fails to see properly. But focussing a bit to the side, and yes, it all comes into focus. Or, direct confrontation is not always the best route, and can lead to lack of clarity. Not everything can, or wants to be looked at that way.
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