Another day of struggling

[Cammy]

During the time from Jan 2013 on, I was given twice the amount of thyroid hormone I needed pushing me into hyperthyroidism with severe anxiety 24/7 & panic attacks, 1-2 hours sleep/night, etcetera. Was given a benzodiazepine for 6-8 weeks on a daily basis, which then created an addiction making the anxiety worse. Pdoc quickly switched us to Valium and since about April have been doing a Valium taper that will take a total of 10 months to complete. I am an 'accidental addict'. I have since found out that that as little as 2 weeks on these drugs will create an addiction which if stopped suddenly not only risk life-threatening seizures, but an actual state of withdrawal that can last for YEARS. Y E A R S. Have spoken to others suffering through this incapacitating withdrawal syndrome. No words can describe their Hell. All because they had severe anxiety and took a prescription and their doctors did not know that these drugs require months of slow withdrawal. Heroin, meth, morphine...picnic withdrawals compared to this. Why? Because no one educates the doctors. Most of them are not even aware of any of this.

I tapered too fast over the last few weeks and got slammed when it caught up to me. It felt like freezing and burning up at the same time, pain everywhere, every mental illness you have ever suffered from exploding exponentially inside your head, massive anxiety, and then some. Like falling off a cliff and waiting to hit the rocks below. Unbelievable. Painful. Unendurable. Yet these people live like this for years waiting for their central nervous system to repair. They are the most courageous people I know. None of them asked for this. They suffer unimaginably...each minute 24/7 is an eternity in Hell. I had a taste of it the other day, and I don't know if I would want to survive if I were them. So what do they do? They go on a website and support others going through their tapers and withdrawal. They warn and teach and help. True heroes in every respect. I am humbled by their sheer determination and compassion in the midst of their terrible suffering. The most remarkable people humanity possesses are found in the most unlikely places. When I think I'm having a rough day or night because of withdrawal symptoms, I just think of them, and it gives me the courage to endure what is going to take up the next 1-1/2 years of my life (this includes acute withdrawal after the taper is done). Best of all it keeps me far away from self-pity and makes me try to keep moving forward in the face of this unexpected tragedy that has befallen me. Thanks to them, I am able to go on every single day, even when I hit a stretch where I am being dragged over broken glass. These are my true idols. It leaves me with little or nothing to whine about, and that is great.