Therapy................

[Tangled Web]

Well I was able to talk to my T about how I was feeling about the bottomless gorge that was in front of me. She told me there was no pressure and if it a took a year for her to meet the others she could understand that.
So when I got home I sent her this long email that had a list of questions with it and some answers to some of her questions that I was not able to answer in front of her in her office. She usually doesn't respond back to my emails and waits for us to discuss it when I see her again but this time she did respond. She told me it was very helpful, the information I had given her and that it made sense to her and it was ok to send it. I kinda still need permission or reassurance that what I had said was ok, and she gives that to me.
It amazes me how good it feels to be actually heard. How once I feel I have that understanding and feel I have been heard, I am more willing to move forward with things, think more about things, and plan on how to do the next step by exploring within.
It is like, well for me..........I start going in a direction and things are fine with that and then it gets harder so I stop and look around, or freeze in one spot depending on what is going on. And in the past I used to have to back track and try to go a different way because I was expected to be at that place already, but it isn't like that with this new T. When I freeze or stop, I can email her my concerns or fears or talk to her about it, to a point (that is why email is sooooooo important to us) and it is ok that I stopped or froze and she listens to me. She doesn't try to convince me that she won't do the things I am afraid of( she does tell me she won't but she doesn't make it about her and try to convince me. There is a difference), or remind me why I am there, or just brush my concerns aside like they aren't important or try to plow through the walls. She just stops along side of me and basically listens and it feels ok to just stop there for awhile. I don't know if this is making sense or not, but it is a nice feeling, and I must admit it surprises me, this isn't something I am accustomed to feeling.
Any ways just wanted to let you know it went well. Thanks for listening.
Emma