Gone for a bit and came back

[Cammy]

I had to go away for a while. I realized I'm cycling through anxiety/depression/panic, and as much as I needed to post and vent, I felt the extreme boredom of my stuff might be wearing others out. So I've coped alone for some weeks now.

Few new things: Experienced 30-60 seconds of unselfconscious joy for the first time in 40+ years the other day over getting tV to work for my mother. It means my brain IS capable of happiness and that the damage from the SSRIs and neuroleptics may not be as permanent or severe as first thought. Near-miracle grade stuff here. Meditation and going off the meds have proven to be useful for me. Add to that a newfound assertiveness never experienced in my life before, and I'd say that something really good seems to be happening (so far).

My new P-doc is very much into not using psych meds unless absolutely necessary and it is really working out for me at this point. He has weaned me off of SSRIs and is now weaning me carefully off of antianxiety meds which were making me much worse anxiety/panic wise. I guess I'm lucky to have gotten him. He says that there is hope for me, and he's the one person I would believe.

Anyway...that's where I've been and where I'm at...I've been busy dumping psychotropics and doing better because of it. Still, I will not talk about DID with my P-doc - tried once and it wasn't all that successful. I guess you can't have everything. Yet, some days I even forget that I'm multiple...amazing.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there. (What's this thing about a dyslexic site? If they need some stern words I'm here ready to respond on anyone's behalf. Just give the word and I'll go reinvent some new anuses if needed if there is a wrong to be righted here.)

Anyway, hello again good people of MM and hope everyone is doing okay and coping.

Best wishes to all from Igraine.