Scared, Skeptical, and have no idea

[finlyalive]

There have been some horrific experiences with past therapists. The one before this current therapist promised to be there for me no matter how long it took, "even if it takes 20 years". Within a couple of months, she told me that she had too great a workload and that her doctor had suggested she reduce her schedule. You guessed it, that meant us. She didn't even give us a closure session until we threatened to go to her superiors. She had at one point given us her cell phone number and email and encouraged us to call her whenever we needed her. She stopped responding before she decided to end the sessions. So many of us trusted her and it was the only time in our lives that we had a true connection with someone. She understood it because she was highly dis-associative herself. We had no control with her whatsoever. Switching occurred frequently according to her and I guess it was just too much for her.

This current therapist has crossed boundaries many times only to re-establish them and confuse the whole system. She encouraged us to email her and then stated that she didn't think email was a secure way to communicate. She gave us her cell number and then asked us not to use it (we didn't anyway). She brought her computer to the house when it needed fixed. She told us she would never lie to us, but then, she did. It wasn't major. She said she had a conference and then we learned that she had gone on vacation. Again, nothing major, but why lie? She also brought her computer to the house with a virus after her daughter's boyfriend downloaded a virus and she was texting her daughter telling her that she was somewhere else. If she would lie to her own daughter...? Just little things. She has promised to stick with us. She has stated that she believes us and that everyone is welcome there. she has made it clear that the psychiatrist at this facility does NOT believe in MPD/DID. There are many more complications.

Trust? I don't know if that is even a consideration anymore. We live on an "it's now or never" timeline. Desperate for re-assurance, understanding and some way to fill in some of the gaps. Of course, that is only some of the time. Fear takes front stage so much of the time. If it was bad enough for the memories to be taken away, should it remain that way? I do believe that the people she sees are defensive and skeptical. Apparently, she has been told off more than once. She is also aware of just how close the whole teeters on the edge. Overall, we come out with more questions than we went in with. Should we actually trust her, who will be there for support or help if we get in trouble? That is really scary.