Another day of struggling

[Cammy]

April 30th: This job thing. Been in bed for years and was only supposed to do part time. Worked 7 days straight with another 3 wk stretch coming because people are on vacation. I was supposed to ease back into this. The emotional brutality of my workplace is overwhelming for me. The physical pain of doing the work due to previous injuries has caused a huge escalation in opiate use just to get through the day. I drive home cross-eyed, falling asleep, and cry all the time. The only person there who IS a person is this guy I was told to avoid because he's "off". Well, all he has is a severe speech impediment making him difficult to understand so I can see how the ignorant "normals" stay away and isolate this poor soul who is quite nice and has no mental impairment at all. The "normals" really p*ss me off. They have no concern for other's disabilities and they are all as far away from me as the next galaxy. Can't relate to them at all. Never will. nats was right, interacting with people is the real cruncher...makes us realize how far apart we are and it's hard to relate. The best part of my day is when I get to help a handicapped or elderly person with something...here is where I am the most comfortable. Help them get to a wheel chair, help them to the bathroom, or help them with a problem...I relate-I connect-I feel I'm doing what my aptitudes drive me to do. I get to exercise my compassion. But the moments are fleeting and I'm back to the world of the "normals" - the employees that live in a land far away from mine (except the guy with the speech issues). I'm not going to make it. I can feel it coming. I'm trying SO hard, but nothing I do seems good enough. I'm getting sick...physically and psychologically. But I'll keep trying...one day at a time. I was not meant to work this much at first...just part time. If people would LISTEN maybe they would have heard this or read it on the application. I'm beginning to think that 'normals' are either very stupid or just don't care.