Road Block

[tweeter]

I have ran head first and smacked into a very thick wall with my new T. I asked her the other day if she thought I was a bad mom in an email because I was afraid to ask her in person. Well she read the email and told me she didn't know if I was or not. She also said some other things after that but to me they were not important. So logically I think to myself, ok fair enough that she said because she doesn't know, she doesn't know me or the situation well enough yet, and at least she was being honest with me, which is important BUT OMG........I cannot get past the fact she said that to me. What if she ends up thinking I was bad mom? It occurred to me that she might actually think I WAS a bad mom.
_______________________________________

One of the worst characteristics of human interaction is unresolved ambiguity, especially, of the emotional kind, as in this case. But, it's more than that. Got to leave those labels behind because they are destructive, especially when the client is seeking to understand herself and to be accountable, first to herself. They are also not so good because some of what you ask is a matter of opinion, degree...

There's something you said that was especially interesting, though not unexpected, given what might have been a rote response by your T (right out of a text book or class lecture). How she said some other things to you that were unimportant; another word might be irrelevant. That bothers me. It's like you were being talked at.

How about making a list of what you consider nurturing behavior toward a child of any age? If words don't do it for you, draw or find pictures that make you feel good about this subject. This, and where it leads, can be discussed at the next session. If this works for you, let T know you would like to do this.

You should not at this time judge yourself, or feel judged. That will block the process of understanding feelings and from where they arose. Then, their evolution into adult behavior.
So, you will like some of what you have done, and not like other times, especially noting where there are repetitive patterns.
As I see it, the initial approach should not be to identify you as bad or good anything, but to catalog your behavior and underlying feelings, and work your way thru to yourself(ves). That's how I see it.

I realize that you have concerns. Maybe my approach (I'm not a multi, nor a T) is naive. But, I think that it's good to view what makes you feel good about acting as a mother and then talking about what you do without measuring anything.

tweeter