Is CBT a mistake?

[orek]

Hi, Igraine, nice to meet you. We've been away for quite a while, it seems. There are regulars we haven't met yet!

This is a very good topic since, in the U.S. anyway, this is such a treatment-of-choice for insurance companies, but it cannot take the place of good, long-term, deep trauma therapy. We've had bad experiences with it in the past, feeling blamed and shamed because we can't just "choose to think" in a more healthy way, etc. So when we started with this current T (almost 8 years now, and one more before her retirement), upfronters made our feelings clear about that approach.

However, just recently we've had an epiphany about the interaction between this type of directed self-talk and trauma therapy. We found a book on running meditations ("Running Home") that really is working for us in trying to send more positive messages inward and opening ourselves up more, and done while running--which works for us since we get anxious sitting still and trying to meditate. Anyway, we can feel and see very positive responses and changes.

But the reason it works is because it's not being forced on us as some kind of band-aid to cover the reality and effects of the past trauma and ongoing dissociation, nor a bat to punish us for not being "good enough" and for having such severe struggles. Instead it's happening organically as we are ready to try to internalize more self-loving, self-nurturing messages. And the reason those messages are ripe for us is that they are growing organically out of long, hard, validating therapy work. We have experienced in a very deep way, through the therapy relationship, what positive nurturing and caring feels and looks like. And not just the upfronters, but deeper insiders. We didn't know just how very deep the shame-based messages went until we started experiencing a different kind of "love" from the toxic love we had internalized from the past.

A good T relationship offers a model for, and unique opportunity for receiving, a consistent, benevolent, nurturing acceptance. As we experienced, then internalized more and more, that type of caring, it began to change us. And recently we finally got to the point where we were ready to try expanding that ourselves without feeling the knee-jerk shame such attempts elicited in us in the past. Also we now have an "opening" deep inside to receive those messages rather than just an old wall of pain and shame deflecting and poisoning them. It's helping upfronters send more supportive messages to insiders and opening up communication some.

Saying all that, it's still not a panacea, and we can see even more clearly how devastating the abuse was now that we are moving forward in a more positive way but can still be deflated and blindsided by the inner turmoil that is the legacy of the trauma. But we're hoping this makes it all more real to us.

Sorry to go on so long, but this is something in the forefront of our thoughts and healing process right now. I hope something in there helps. If not, thanks for listening anyway.