Feeling Shame

[tweeter]

Charity,
I'm really pleased that you got thru what I wrote, the bulk of which probably made little sense to anyone other than myself. And, that I had sincere encouragement to offer.

Thing is that I made a stated internal intention three or four years ago, and got there. I didn't want to leave this world in the same emotional/sp. condition in which I found myself. The Intention can be general, but clear. The psyche will follow it, as will the mind. I had no idea where I was headed.
Determination of Direction can be helped along by a simple question. I asked: How I had gotten to where I am now from where I began in this lifetime?
An exhaustive cataloging was not necessary. But, a minimum amount of knowledge of pivotal point location, along with a lot introspection was.
If I had used a perfectionistic approach, it never would have happened for me as I needed it to. The heart, mind and spirit are not in the realm of inches and meters. It's a different mindset, for me.
However, those who measure themselves according to rules derived from cultural/sp laws, or, strictly according to what other people think of them (with or without the aforementioned laws), are working from a more codified substrate, and in some ways towards a different personal destination. That is, as close an approximation as possible to a stated vision of perfection. As an individualist, I can't do this without denying myself.

Other questions popped up over the years, but weren't successfully dealt with, until I decided that the negative introject had to go. And I mean Go! Otherwise, it could truly become part of me, according to my views.

How was I getting in my own way, and what were the internal mechanisms? That has been pretty much figured out.

What of the pattern of jealous, indifferently selfish and cruel people who routinely enter my life and pretty much ruin it and me? Why? How to change this? My final challenge along the lines of this quest.

As a monomind, I can't imagine the complexity that a multiple would work with in order to do what I have been doing here. That step backwards, to just the right time, to reclaim that which was at the beginning, and then to go forward does not seem possible in a practical sense. I think I've just gone over my head. But, that's okay.

Anyhow, there is a difference also between being disappointed in one's performance or feelings, and feeling shame. I'm working on ridding myself of the shame arising from three different situations, by taking temperate action without declaring wars I can't possibly win.

good talking to you,
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