Difficult conversation ahead

[Tangled Web]

It has been awhile since we have been able to post anything concerning us. We have been struggling and as per our usual, we isolate and somehow end up shutting everyone out and just focus on functioning by going to work and coming home. We find safety in the loneliness, but also alone. A double edge sword for us.

Tomorrow I am going to see my T and I am truly trying to get up the courage to have the conversation that has been rolling around in our brain for sometime now. Thinking that maybe it is time to quit seeing her.

I think I have to start at the beginning for this one. I have been seeing my T for a few years now. When she realized I had "others" inside me, she came right out and told me she has no experience with that and wasn't sure she knew how to help me. I stood firm and told her we would learn together. She was the first therapist we have ever had that actually was able to see, accept and talk to the others. She is also the longest therapist we have ever seen. We usually get magically cured after 2 years, don't know why but that is usually our cut off point. We have made alot of progress seeing her and we are able to see it. Lots of things have changed in our lives while seeing her and she has helped us through so really awful situations that have came up.

Spoiler

The death of my dad, the loss of my son, letting the abusive relationship with my mother go........

But when it comes to me dealing with things, or trying to connect to my feelings, somewhere along the lines the ball gets dropped and I can't get there with her. I need her to go deep with me and for some reason I can't get there with her. There have been times I have seen glimpses of it but it gets lost as soon I think I have it.
I don't have direction, and I need direction because it is so easy to get lost inside my head.
I can't finish this now........thanks for listening