building support networks

[Elizabethn]

In my experience in building a support system, what I've found is that it's possible to "design" it so that there are ways to get what I need from a lot of different sources. It all depends on the different needs.

In the bad old days when I was doing therapy work 24/7, I built two lists of people I could call any time. There was the short list for real crisis stuff, the one where my T was at the top of the list. Then there was the "coping" list of people I could call and just kind of chat with.....Well, I mean, it certainly wasn't just "small talk," but it included people like "safe" relatives that I generally only communicated with by phone due to distance, old friends in other locations, a few people I might visit with from church, etc.
That second list was about getting grounded, hearing other people's voices so I could get my feet back in the present and stuff. Very few of them ever heard much about my emotional turmoil and would have no idea that they were providing more than plain old conversation :-).

Another thing I eventually did--but this took a LOT longer to get brave and try out--was to get involved in IRL interest groups. I took a class here and there, went to a concert or poetry reading once in a while. The key was that I HAD to have some human interaction. I am a diehard extravert, and if I isolate myself because I'm in misery, I get into worse misery in a hurry.

Having support almost never meant that the supportive people got the whole brunt of my inner turmoil. I have never been someone who was really obvious about switching and stuff, so if you didn't know what you were looking for, you didn't see it. There were some exceptions in really hairy crises, but not many.

Nowadays I get much, if not most, of my support online, and I keep IRL in the realm of "having a life." But I do have a couple of people around, in addition to my T and Mr. EN, who know that things are rarely what they seem. I don't seem to need as much of that any more, at least not at the moment. Thank heavens. I don't feel like this bottomless pit of need any more.